You’ve just spent a week or so on the couch because you forgot
about Valentine’s Day weekend! How do you feel? Well, if your answer was
anything close to “Kinda like a douche” then, this is the right post for you!
For many of us, Valentine’s Day is just a cute little
holiday with hearts, candies and red balloons. Others feel that V-Day is a worthless celebration created by candy companies to mock the single and bleed
the wallets of the committed. But, for a select few, Valentine’s Day demands
extra love, grand romantic gestures and memorable words. If you are dating,
married to or shacked up with one of those people, forgetting February 14th
is a BIG no-no, honey. It will do nothing but earn you a one way ticket out of
Snuggletown and snippy, clip conversations.
Not to worry, my dear! I am going to show you how to create
the ultimate “Please forgive me” date by using your darling’s favorite big
screen romances. We all have a favorite movie romance. Now here’s your chance
to use it against them! By following a few simply instructions, you can make up
for your insolence and give them the most romantic experience of their lives!
Now, lets get started.
Dirty Dancing
This one should be a no brainer. The solution to another
sleepless night on the couch lies in a bit of rump shaking. Get your baby out
of the corner and on to the dance floor. Don’t like to dance? Well, tough titty,
kid! Getting your P. Swayze on may be your only redemption.
New York Date: Bembe Nightlife and Lounge (www.bembe.us)
Show your darling that your hips indeed, don’t lie at the
sexiest club in Brooklyn. This place ain’t no twerkfest, people. We’re talking
passionate dancing, hypnotic rhythms, and warm, flavorful music. After a night
here, you’ll be the Don Juan or Aphrodite of your lover’s eyes once again.
Jerry Maguire
A romantic comedy, cleverly disguised as a sports movie.
With lines like “You complete me” and “You had me at hello”, it’s easy to see
how this movie caused hearts all over the world to go “pitter-patter”. So, take
the hand of your paramour and mosey on over to the nearest sports venue. A
little chanting and team spirit will set your wrongs to right. Put your arm around that love of yours,
sneak some kisses and go for a touchdown of your own. Nobody’s throwing a flag
on this play.
New York Date: Madison Square Garden
If you like it, put a foam finger on it. Alcohol, junk food
and the New York Knickerbokers will guarantee you an amazing date. Want to
exceed expectations? See if you can slip someone an Abraham Lincoln to get you
and your main boo-boo on that “Kiss Cam”. All will be forgiven.
Pretty
Woman
I hope you like credit card bills because dropping plastic
is the golden shovel that will dig you out of this hole. Give your honey the
makeover of their dreams! Now, no giving them your card and then splitting. You
are going to have to be there for this event, start to finish. Give opinions.
Smile. Act like you are having a ball.
Yes, you’ll be crying on the inside but, it’s better than crying because
you’ve been denied nookie access.
New York Date: Shopping/Paul Revere/The Met
Help your sweety relive the most popular scene in the movie with a full blown shopping spree. 5th Ave or Target, it doesn't matter! Take them somewhere and dress them up in more than just your love.
Next, have them change into your hard earned money and head on over to the romantic West Village restaurant, One If By Land, Two If By Sea. Delicious food, roses, long stem candles... Yep, you are totally getting some later. But, just incase, lets put the cherry on top of this sundae. End your date by seeing a wonderful show at the beautiful Metropolitan Opera House. The scenery alone will take their breath away. Then, just sit back, relax and have someone sing you a story in a language you probably don't understand for a couple of hours. Just like Richard Gere, you'll be showing your love that they are more than just a simple hooker.
The
Notebook
He built her a house. Do you hear me? He. Built. Her. A.
House. You’ve got some work to do my friend. You are going to have to find
Nicholas Sparks in your heart and whip out some serious “I’ll die without you”
type business. Give your baby the gift of memories and dreams. Build them a
home just like that ol’ pimp Noah did for his one and only. I’m assuming that most of you don’t
really possess the funds to build a two story house in Brooklyn. Don’t worry I
got the answer you need…
New York Date: Ikea
Yes, you read that right. Look your honey in the eyes and
say “Baby, let’s ride off into the sunset and straight into the nearest Ikea.
Daddy’s gonna build you a home. “ Walk around, hold hands, pick things out
together. Not yours, not mine, ours. Ours. That’s the key word that’s
going to get you kisses. Build your home with things you both love. Not living
with your person yet? That’s ok. Nothing says romance like whispers of the
future. Plop yourself down in your dream model flat and serenade with hopes of
“one day, maybe’s”. Bonus: Ikea
actually has a restaurant in it and the food ain’t half bad.
Sleepless
in Seattle / You’ve Got Mail
Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan really did a number on us in the
90’s. Hell, I’m tearing up just writing about them. If your love likes one of
these movies, chances are they love the other. This is your chance to combine
the two films and hit them in the face with pure love. TKO. The credits for
both these Nora Ephron classics should read “Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan and New York. The city plays a romantic third
character that helps to bring both the leads together. So become the romantic,
compassionate, smooth beast that Nora Ephron lead us to believe you can be! Woo
your sugar with the perfect Big Apple date night.
New York Date: Letters/Dinner/Sightseeing
There are three essential components to this date: Love letters, a romantic dinner and a trip to the top of the Empire State building.
Phase 1: Love Letters
Ok so, you messed up. Emails are not going to get you forgiveness. Nope, you are going to have to go "Old School Playa" with hand written letters. Seduce your lovers affections using words. Compliment them, intrigue them, let them know that you notice everything about what they do and who they are. I'm talking Shakespeare sonnets. If you write anything that resembles "You Remind Me of My Jeep", may God strike you down (Congratulations! You just survived an R. Kelly reference). Leave the letters everywhere they can find them and wait for the magic to happen. If you really want to turn the heat up, I suggest making one of those letters dirty. Awwww yeah. Give your baby the scandalous who, what, when, where, why and how of your dirty plans for them. Make sure they never forget the true meaning of hot and bothered. Now, if you're not really good at expressing your "Dirrty" through words, you should probably phone a friend or something for help. Nothing kills the mood more than a bunch of bush league dirty talk. You
want to be the J.K. Rowling of smut, not the Stephanie Meyer.
Phase 2: Romantic Dinner
You've wooed your honey with words, now woo them with charm. In one of your letters, invite your someone to meet you for a romantic dinner. Make sure to tell
them that you’ll be the one with the rose in your book. Trust me, if they’ve
seen the movie, they’ll get it. Now here's your chance to have a little role play fun. Act like this is your first date. Rekindle that mystery and fun that you had at the beginning. A little conversation and flirtation will be just what you need before entering phase 3.
Phase 3: Empire State Building
Now that you’re both horny and well fed, jump into the world
of “Sleepless in Seattle”. End your beautiful night on top of the Empire State
Building. The lights, the views,
the history… this building screams amore. Bonus points if you can get to the top by sunset. It's an amazing sight. Snuggle up and enjoy the beautiful city below. Before you leave, take your lover's hand and say the words "Shall we?" (Its in the movie! They will get it) and give them one heart stopping kiss on the most romantic building in NYC. And that my friend, will be a wrap.
There you go! 5 wonderful dates based on 5 romantic
classics. So, go ahead and choose your own adventure. You forgetting
Valentine’s Day will be but a distant memory. Next year, try to pay attention
when you start seeing heart balloons and teddy bears everywhere. Seriously, they
give you around a month’s worth of heads up. Sheesh.
