Tales of a Thirtysomething Barista

SONG: Tom's Diner

In New York City, on  the tiny island of Manhattan, there are currently around 1,000 coffee shops. I'm not even including everyone's favorite cup-o-joe throwdown, Starbucks or it's middle child syndromed competitor Dunkin' Donuts. I'm talkin' your average, single location, singularly owned "Bob's Coffee" type shop. 1000! Over the bridge a little, in a small part of town called Fort Greene Brooklyn, you'll find a little coffee shop and chocolaterie called Nunu Chocolates. Behind the counter, you'll find a thirtysomething barista with a knack for drawing hearts and feathers in your latte. Welcome to my current world. Smooth coffee, dangerously delicious chocolate delights, cozy seating, soothing music and seductive aromas. Nunu Chocolates is definitely a one stop shop to taunt your deepest temptation and I'm the fairy godmother waiting to deliver your sin of choice. Bippity-Boppity-Boo.

The world of a coffee shop barista can often range from your  average sitcom to the the juiciest, most unrealistic scene from a soap opera. Pleasant, cool easy hours often go by with me doing nothing more than making someone's life a little better. Others are like an impromptu explosion of angry acronyms. WTF, WETF, OMFG, DILLIGAF, FML all said in reaction to a no good, very bad day. But even as predictably annoying as the (unpredictable) food service industry can be, I've found an interesting benefit to my barista life. This job absolutely feeds my inner spectator. *Sigh* I love studying muggles. What drives them? What comforts them? What angers them? Quirks, voice inflection, body language, all of it. I'm an actress! I make a living off of telling a story and as a barista, I am constantly engrossed in a living novel.

On any given work day, I'm a therapist, savior, blind date show host, mediator, entertainer, comforter, best friend, and punching bag. I've seen first dates, breakups, breakdowns, marriage proposals, a woman finishing her novel, a baby taking his first steps, mild foreplay (Valentine's Day. Don't worry, they left before I broke out the bowl of popcorn), job interviews, instant connections, fresh off the bus visitors, and people having their last cup of Brooklyn joe before leaving the big apple for good. All of this, I've observed quietly behind the counter. It's interesting. New York is the Queen of disconnection. 8 million people wander the city daily and it's never been easier to go through your day without actually encountering another soul. I've been apart of so many moments and witnessed so many stories simply by making lattes. I love that!

I've decided to take my experiences as a barista and add a new section to my blog called "Tales of a Thirtysomething Barista". In addition to my normal NYC ramblings, i'll give you a peak into my crazy coffee experiences. My job is anything but boring and I think it would be fun to share my adventures while I'm there. Plus, you have to find the beauty in a day job, right? I took this job to support myself while pursuing my passions. That doesn't mean that I can't bring my passions to my day job.

Speaking of blogs and passions, I have to say I'm sorry. I haven't been keeping up with this blog. I made an attempt earlier this year and still let writing go on the back burner to other things in my life. Due to that neglect, I've been a bit blocked. The only way to over come a block is just to write. Write what you know. Write the truth. Stay consistent. Definitely adding that word to my 2016 list... Consistent. So here's my new years cheers to positive consistent behavior. *Clink*

Love Always,
The girl who makes a damn fine Mocha Latte.

Top 5 of the Moment

1). Podcasts
       "Serial", you beautiful betch. You walk into my life and haunt me with your hourish long tales and now I want more. How dare you? How dare you make me love podcasts?
 I've been a podcast fool over the last 6 months. Where have I been? How did I not know how amazing the podcast universe is. Any suggestions for new Podcasts? 

2). Ashley Graham
     I adore this woman! She's help me a lot when it comes to the confidence department. I've even resulted to putting a picture of her up on my fridge to remind me that body type is just a shell. Confidence in who you are and love for your temple is the new skinny. 

3). Oil Pulling
     Oil pulling, is an ancient dental technique that involves swishing a tablespoon of oil in your mouth on an empty stomach for around 20 minutes. This action supposedly draws out toxins in your body, primarily to improve oral health but also to improve your overall health. 
I've been oil pulling for alomst a month straight and I am here to say Yes... it works. Research it. Try it. Its amazing. 

4). Showtime's "The Affair"
      Has anyone watched this show? Its amazing. Its clever and heartbreaking and the acting is perfection. Each episode is told from different points of view and it wows me how they keep up with one person's point of view through the whole series.  

5). Blue Apron
     Magical. Its the only way to describe this service. Since I had the pleasure of trying a recipe on my recent trip to Florida, I've been promoting this business like its my job. They send you delicious recipes with every ingredient. Plus, you have the added benefit of cooking something you wouldn't normally go for. Its brought me back to my love of cooking. 

Don't Call It A Comeback....

Song: Time To Pretend by MGMT

Ok... ok... let me explain...

1 year... 1 month and 6 days. That's how long its been since I wrote my last blog. I'm surprised that I even remembered my password. But, here I am. My blog let me back in with open arms after sitting there like a forgotten tomb containing my New York memories and revelations. I was almost afraid to come back. Afraid that I wouldn't have anything interesting to say. When you are trying to make it as a writer/actor, one of your main concerns is public reception. What will they think of me? Are they enjoying themselves? Will they come back for more? Ok, so that sounds more like a lady of the evening but, you get what I'm saying.

I feel your pain boo.

I'd forgotten what it was like to just write. Write about my life and my experiences. Write for fun and without any concern of the topic or perception or "will I get paid for this?" So, I came back to the basics. Back to the blog that started my love affair with my keyboard. I mean, if NBC can revive "Heroes" and "Coach", I can revive my blog (#thingsgrownasswomensay). 

Ok so, what's happened during my year absence? Well, a lot of things are still the same. Three major things in particular: 

1). I'm still black. 

2). I'm still an Actor

3). I'm still hopelessly and completely in love with New York City. 

Differences? Well, a lot can happen in a year. A few notable changes:

1). I'm now a part of the "Dirty 30" Club.

That's right, I'm now a lovely lady in her 30s. While I was a little nervous about entering this new decade in my life, I have to admit that the pros far out weigh the cons. I've developed a certain confidence that I never really had in my twenties. Things like saying "No" has become an easy freedom. I'm excited about what the 30s will bring to my life. Although, hearing the Marisa Tomei "Ticking time clock" speech from "My Cousin Vinny" is a little different now. She was my age. She was ready for a baby. I'm not. Is that bad? Why does my family keep asking me about my relationship and uterus status? What the hell time is it anyway? 

2). I've had the pleasure of being robbed.

           

Nothing says "Official New Yorker" like having your money stolen by a couple of teenagers. I wish I could tell you that I'm A-OK about the incident. The truth is it made me angry and a little jittery. I worked hard for that money. I also worked hard to sustain a level of trust and safety in this city. I'm a bit more cautious when it comes to people now. I suspect this nervous energy will ease at some point. But trust me when I say that if I didn't feel 30 before my little run in with the pubescent Ocean's Eleven, then hearing myself yell "YOU ALL NEED AN ASS WHOOPIN'" as they ran away with my cash certainly did the trick.

3). I've experienced a few bumps a bruises when it comes to love and dating.

I remember my first heartache. I curled up on my bed, listened to "This I Promise You" by N'sync on repeat and wondered "Where did it all go wrong? How did this happen? We're suppose to be together." There was nothing I could do. Justin Timberlake loved Britney Spears, not me. *Sigh* I had to let him go.  Anyhoo, fast-forward to today. Dating and love is still the most unpredictable book I've ever read.  But, it's nothing that couldn't be healed with amazing friends, Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movies and a bit of interpretive dance to Prodigy in my apartment. In the words of Forest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

4). I'm A Working Actress 

I hopped off the bus in NYC Axel Rose "Welcome To The Jungle" style. With my bags in one hand and my dreams in the other, I was determined to manifest every desire of my heart. In the past year, I've witnessed several victories in my acting career. I have a manager/agent now. I've been going on auditions and best of all, booking roles. When you leap out on faith without any proof that you'll be caught, its scary. I'm still not quite sure there's a net to catch me but, the fall has been anything but boring. The feeling I felt when I received the email about my very 1st SAG role booking.... I can't describe it. Incredible doesn't seem like enough. I ran to the roof of my apartment, looked at the Empire State Building (It was pink that night) and I "Whooooo-hoooooooooed" like it was New Years Eve. Now that I've experienced that feeling, I will always want it again and again. Like a drug. Maybe my Acting career will work out. Maybe it won't. But what ever I do in this life, I now KNOW that I need that feeling. I need that light feeling of accomplishment and excitement. 




So, there you have it! A "Previously on A Lovely Puzzle...." for ya before the season premiere. I have to say, I'm a little to excited about writing this blog again. For a person who didn't think she had anything interesting to say, my mind is buzzing with all sorts of stories to share. It gives me another reason to stop and notice the present. Looking forward to experiencing 2015 with you! Until next time... 

Love Always, 
The girl who is still putting together her lovely puzzle

The Road To Make-up Sex: How To Get Out Of The "I Forgot Valentine's Day" Doghouse

You’ve just spent a week or so on the couch because you forgot about Valentine’s Day weekend! How do you feel? Well, if your answer was anything close to “Kinda like a douche” then, this is the right post for you!

For many of us, Valentine’s Day is just a cute little holiday with hearts, candies and red balloons. Others feel that V-Day is a worthless celebration created by candy companies to mock the single and bleed the wallets of the committed. But, for a select few, Valentine’s Day demands extra love, grand romantic gestures and memorable words. If you are dating, married to or shacked up with one of those people, forgetting February 14^th is a BIG no-no, honey. It will do nothing but earn you a one way ticket out of Snuggletown and snippy, clip conversations.

Not to worry, my dear! I am going to show you how to create the ultimate “Please forgive me” date by using your darling’s favorite big screen romances. We all have a favorite movie romance. Now here’s your chance to use it against them! By following a few simply instructions, you can make up for your insolence and give them the most romantic experience of their lives! Now, lets get started.

 

Dirty Dancing

This one should be a no brainer. The solution to another sleepless night on the couch lies in a bit of rump shaking. Get your baby out of the corner and on to the dance floor. Don’t like to dance? Well, tough titty, kid! Getting your P. Swayze on may be your only redemption.

New York Date: Bembe Nightlife and Lounge (www.bembe.us)

Show your darling that your hips indeed, don’t lie at the sexiest club in Brooklyn. This place ain’t no twerkfest, people. We’re talking passionate dancing, hypnotic rhythms, and warm, flavorful music. After a night here, you’ll be the Don Juan or Aphrodite of your lover’s eyes once again.

Jerry Maguire

A romantic comedy, cleverly disguised as a sports movie. With lines like “You complete me” and “You had me at hello”, it’s easy to see how this movie caused hearts all over the world to go “pitter-patter”. So, take the hand of your paramour and mosey on over to the nearest sports venue. A little chanting and team spirit will set your wrongs to right.  Put your arm around that love of yours, sneak some kisses and go for a touchdown of your own. Nobody’s throwing a flag on this play.

New York Date: Madison Square Garden

If you like it, put a foam finger on it. Alcohol, junk food and the New York Knickerbokers will guarantee you an amazing date. Want to exceed expectations? See if you can slip someone an Abraham Lincoln to get you and your main boo-boo on that “Kiss Cam”. All will be forgiven.

Pretty Woman

I hope you like credit card bills because dropping plastic is the golden shovel that will dig you out of this hole. Give your honey the makeover of their dreams! Now, no giving them your card and then splitting. You are going to have to be there for this event, start to finish. Give opinions. Smile. Act like you are having a ball.  Yes, you’ll be crying on the inside but, it’s better than crying because you’ve been denied nookie access.

New York Date: Shopping/Paul Revere/The Met

Help your sweety relive the most popular scene in the movie with a full blown shopping spree. 5th Ave or Target, it doesn't matter! Take them somewhere and dress them up in more than just your love. 

Next, have them change into your hard earned money and head on over to the romantic West Village restaurant, One If By Land, Two If By Sea. Delicious food, roses, long stem candles... Yep, you are totally getting some later. But, just incase, lets put the cherry on top of this sundae. End your date by seeing a wonderful show at the beautiful Metropolitan Opera House. The scenery alone will take their breath away. Then, just sit back, relax and have someone sing you a story in a language you probably don't understand for a couple of hours. Just like Richard Gere, you'll be showing your love that they are more than just a simple hooker. 

The Notebook

He built her a house. Do you hear me? He. Built. Her. A. House. You’ve got some work to do my friend. You are going to have to find Nicholas Sparks in your heart and whip out some serious “I’ll die without you” type business. Give your baby the gift of memories and dreams. Build them a home just like that ol’ pimp Noah did for his one and only.  I’m assuming that most of you don’t really possess the funds to build a two story house in Brooklyn. Don’t worry I got the answer you need…

New York Date: Ikea

Yes, you read that right. Look your honey in the eyes and say “Baby, let’s ride off into the sunset and straight into the nearest Ikea. Daddy’s gonna build you a home. “ Walk around, hold hands, pick things out together.  Not yours, not mine, ours. Ours. That’s the key word that’s going to get you kisses. Build your home with things you both love. Not living with your person yet? That’s ok. Nothing says romance like whispers of the future. Plop yourself down in your dream model flat and serenade with hopes of “one day, maybe’s”.  Bonus: Ikea actually has a restaurant in it and the food ain’t half bad.

Sleepless in Seattle / You’ve Got Mail

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan really did a number on us in the 90’s. Hell, I’m tearing up just writing about them. If your love likes one of these movies, chances are they love the other. This is your chance to combine the two films and hit them in the face with pure love. TKO. The credits for both these Nora Ephron classics should read “Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan and New York.  The city plays a romantic third character that helps to bring both the leads together. So become the romantic, compassionate, smooth beast that Nora Ephron lead us to believe you can be! Woo your sugar with the perfect Big Apple date night.

New York Date: Letters/Dinner/Sightseeing

There are three essential components to this date: Love letters, a romantic dinner and a trip to the top of the Empire State building.

Phase 1: Love Letters

Ok so, you messed up. Emails are not going to get you forgiveness. Nope, you are going to have to go "Old School Playa" with hand written letters. Seduce your lovers affections using words. Compliment them, intrigue them, let them know that you notice everything about what they do and who they are. I'm talking Shakespeare sonnets. If you write anything that resembles "You Remind Me of My Jeep", may God strike you down (Congratulations! You just survived an R. Kelly reference). Leave the letters everywhere they can find them and wait for the magic to happen. If you really want to turn the heat up, I suggest making one of those letters dirty. Awwww yeah. Give your baby the scandalous who, what, when, where, why and how of your dirty plans for them. Make sure they never forget the true meaning of hot and bothered. Now, if you're not really good at expressing your "Dirrty" through words, you should probably phone a friend or something for help. Nothing kills the mood more than a bunch of bush league dirty talk. You want to be the J.K. Rowling of smut, not the Stephanie Meyer.

Phase 2: Romantic Dinner

You've wooed your honey with words, now woo them with charm. In one of your letters, invite your someone to meet you for a romantic dinner. Make sure to tell them that you’ll be the one with the rose in your book. Trust me, if they’ve seen the movie, they’ll get it. Now here's your chance to have a little role play fun. Act like this is your first date. Rekindle that mystery and fun that you had at the beginning. A little conversation and flirtation will be just what you need before entering phase 3. 

Phase 3: Empire State Building

Now that you’re both horny and well fed, jump into the world of “Sleepless in Seattle”. End your beautiful night on top of the Empire State Building.  The lights, the views, the history… this building screams amore. Bonus points if you can get to the top by sunset. It's an amazing sight. Snuggle up and enjoy the beautiful city below. Before you leave, take your lover's hand and say the words "Shall we?" (Its in the movie! They will get it) and give them one heart stopping kiss on the most romantic building in NYC. And that my friend, will be a wrap.

There you go! 5 wonderful dates based on 5 romantic classics. So, go ahead and choose your own adventure. You forgetting Valentine’s Day will be but a distant memory. Next year, try to pay attention when you start seeing heart balloons and teddy bears everywhere. Seriously, they give you around a month’s worth of heads up. Sheesh.

Digital Getdown

When I was a little girl, I loved Communion Sundays. The voices from the choir soared a little higher. The church hats were a little bigger. To a young girl who only had a bowl of Apple Jacks before Sunday School, the best part was the bread and wine provided at the end of the service. Wow, I use to look forward to that little piece of bread. No bigger than a squished skittle, this iota of bread dominated my mind through most of sermon. At the time, I didn't understand the symbolism of the bread and wine, I just knew that this treat would hold me over until the fam and I could get to Golden Corral. And when I held that small, plastic shot glass full of what I believed to be wine... it was like a whole other level. I felt like such an adult! One who grew up in the 90's would say that I thought myself to be "All That". Then one day, my elementary school teacher shattered my dreams during our daily snack time. After telling my co-classmates that we were drinking wine with our animal crackers, my teacher pulled me to the side and devastated me by revealing that we were in fact drinking grape juice and NOT a "blessed by God" alcoholic beverage. I may or may not have called her a liar. She may or may not have taken away my silver star for the day because I used the word liar. Anyway, after that, Communion Sunday's were a bit different to me. I always felt a little slighted. I wanted to tell God "Hey man! They're giving out fake wine! Your blood is being represented by grape juice!" I also tried to express my feelings to my family but alas, no one listens to a little black girl with a squeaky voice, who just learned the word "injustice".

This is the random memory going through my mind as I sit here, sipping a delicious Malbec, on a video chat date with a guy I met on OkCupid.com. I'm sure you can probably tell (from my lack of focus on the boy in question) that the date isn't going very well. The truth is, I knew this Titanic was going to sink the moment he sat down in front of he computer. Now don't accuse me of being shallow. It wasn't his looks that had me shaking my head. It was the fact that he sat down in front of the computer conveniently missing his shirt, baring his slightly oiled upper body and wearing a smirk that seemed to say "That's right gurl.... Don't fight the heat."

Him: Ehhhh sexy.
Me: Hey there buddy. Lose you shirt?
Him: Heh. Naaah. Just got out of the shower. Now I'm all clean for you.
Me:  (not able to think of how to respond to that) So fresh and so clean clean!
Him: I can go get a shirt. Or, I can not get a shirt. It all depends on if you like what's going on here.
Me: Ummm....
Him: Don't be shy. Mmph! Wit yo sexy lips.

ICEBERG.

Now, to you, that line might not sound all that bad. Well, you're right. Coming from the mouth of certain men, during different circumstances, it could be funny or flirtatious or even charming. But the delivery of his words (mixed with confidence of his smug brow) showed me exactly where this was headed. This guy was about 5 seconds away from giving me a cheesy line like "Wow baby, your boobs look tense. Want me to massage them for you?" Or, a downright rude line like "Damn gurl! You're like 9/11 sweety... You changin' my world." Ay yi yi....

 How do I even begin to explain how I got myself in this situation. I'm thinking it started on New Years Eve. In my mystery red drink haze, I decided that my resolution would be to put myself out there more. If I wanted to date, I should get into the groove and make it happen. Stop telling guys "No, I'm just dancing with my friends". Or, get rid of my "don't bother me, I'm reading" face when I'm hanging out alone in public. Be more inviting to the opposite sex. So, I got together a game plan. Go out at least once every weekend to meet men. Be a little more obvious with my flirtation. GO FOR IT! Wear something that makes you feel attractive. Touch. Smile. Wink. Cock you head to the side. All those good "How to catch the eye of another" suggestions you read about in Cosmo. And of course, find other avenues for dating. Which brought me to the cyber matchmaking machine that is the online dating world. 

 Come Meet your prince baby

Don't get me wrong, I've heard some pretty amazing stories when it comes to meeting someone online. I even know a few wonderful couples who are now happily married to a person they would have never met had they decided NOT to finish that oh so tedious online profile. I've also heard some horror stories. I mean, the TV show "Catfish" is just one shinning example of what could go wrong. Honestly it's a coin toss. But, I figured "Why the hell not?" and joined a few sites. The "Putting yourself out there" mission was well on it's way.


Creating an online profile is about as frustrating and mind numbing as filling out  a college application. You have to present all the amazing things about yourself using only a couple of paragraphs. It almost reminds me of being an Actor. Marketing yourself is crucial. Do you want to be funny or mysterious? Vixen or Sweetheart? Are you the best friend type... or the leading lady? I don't know about you guys but, I have never felt more stumped than I feel when I am staring at a blinking cursor in an "About Me" section. Don't even get me started on the profile photos. "Hmmmm... I look silly in that picture." Or, " You can see my back fat in that picture!" Or, "Oooo my smile looks awesome! This is a winner! But... it's a 5 year old picture. Hmm..oh well, they'll get the gist." Seriously! This profile drove me bananas for days. 

 Haha! Wow.. This guy...

After getting my own profile settled, it was time for fun. I searched through the men that my website had to offer. It was like my own little private version of "The Dating Game". I've actually met a few nice guys. Although none of them really led to anything, it was still nice to just meet and chat and flirt and just be single and actually kind of "dating". On the other hand, I've also met a few duds. The "Never Ever NEVER" list includes a few famous screen names like MoneyCatch2012, Vanilla_Heat1113, Huggies1972, BIGcrimeMelvin, and my all time favorite... ButtHunter69. Well, I have to admit, at least with a name like ButtHunter69 a girl can pretty much guess what type of guy she's in for. No secrets with good ol' ButtHunter. It's pretty obvious that you won't be telling your grand kids in the future how you saw the name ButtHunter and knew that you and grandpa were meant to be.

*Le sigh* Another year, another Valentine's Day in NYC. Seriously, I think that this city is it's own giant Valentine year round but, it's something about February 14th that makes it a little more romantic. I took the longer route from work on that night because I just enjoyed the energy. The Empire State Building glowed pink and red as couples strolled hand in hand, slow and content despite the cold weather. It occurred to me while walking around that my New Years Resolution was pretty ridiculous. Well, at least some of it. I still want to put myself out there. I still want to try to meet new people but, I don't want to do it as some Cosmo programed barbie doll. If I'm feeling flirtatious, then OH BOY, I will flirt. If I want to stay home on the weekends with a book and warm tea, then I will. I'll wink when I feel cheeky and smile when I want to and laugh my big hearty laugh if something tickles me. Maybe, on some days, my outfit that I feel attractive in happens to be my yoga pants and a t-shirt. No more game plan. If I'm going to meet someone, I want them to meet ME. That statement also applies to my online profile. I went back and erased the whole thing and just wrote what I felt like writing. Funny, mysterious, vixen, sweetheart... I'm all those things! No one could discover that in one paragraph. I added some pictures taken of myself recently and then stepped away. My resolution had a new meaning... "Put YOURSELF out there". Maybe I will get a lot of messages, maybe I won't. I guess we will see.

"So Kiki, What happened with the "Top Gun" volleyball scene extra you talked about at the beginning of the blog?" 

 Well, you can probably already guess that it didn't work out. But, it wasn't just me. He also knew it. The one word answers and lack luster questions between us had red lights flashing within 10 minutes. After it was obvious that this was going nowhere but off a cliff, he decided to steer the conversation to a topic that was he was sure would save the evening... cyber sex. And me? Well, I did what any woman would do when a guy, you don't want anything to do with, tries to start a friendly game of "Let's compare areolas".... I pretended there was and earthquake, shook my computer around and slammed it shut. C'mon guys! You didn't really think I was going to start dating that guy did you? Yeah right. I like my men like I like my communion wine.... Real.

Until Next Time......

3 Of My Favorite Movies About Online Dating

1). "You've Got Mail"

          I can't help it! I adore the Tom/Meg combo. This movie always makes me cry and I adore it!

2). Must Love Dogs

              Who can resist the Cusack? Seriously.

3). Napoleon Dynamite

           Kip and Lafawnduh forever.

Love Always, 

    The girl who got hit on by a with the screen name ButtHunter... sheesh.