Don't Call It A Comeback....

Song: Time To Pretend by MGMT

Ok... ok... let me explain...

1 year... 1 month and 6 days. That's how long its been since I wrote my last blog. I'm surprised that I even remembered my password. But, here I am. My blog let me back in with open arms after sitting there like a forgotten tomb containing my New York memories and revelations. I was almost afraid to come back. Afraid that I wouldn't have anything interesting to say. When you are trying to make it as a writer/actor, one of your main concerns is public reception. What will they think of me? Are they enjoying themselves? Will they come back for more? Ok, so that sounds more like a lady of the evening but, you get what I'm saying.

I feel your pain boo.

I'd forgotten what it was like to just write. Write about my life and my experiences. Write for fun and without any concern of the topic or perception or "will I get paid for this?" So, I came back to the basics. Back to the blog that started my love affair with my keyboard. I mean, if NBC can revive "Heroes" and "Coach", I can revive my blog (#thingsgrownasswomensay). 

Ok so, what's happened during my year absence? Well, a lot of things are still the same. Three major things in particular: 

1). I'm still black. 

2). I'm still an Actor

3). I'm still hopelessly and completely in love with New York City. 

Differences? Well, a lot can happen in a year. A few notable changes:

1). I'm now a part of the "Dirty 30" Club.

That's right, I'm now a lovely lady in her 30s. While I was a little nervous about entering this new decade in my life, I have to admit that the pros far out weigh the cons. I've developed a certain confidence that I never really had in my twenties. Things like saying "No" has become an easy freedom. I'm excited about what the 30s will bring to my life. Although, hearing the Marisa Tomei "Ticking time clock" speech from "My Cousin Vinny" is a little different now. She was my age. She was ready for a baby. I'm not. Is that bad? Why does my family keep asking me about my relationship and uterus status? What the hell time is it anyway? 

2). I've had the pleasure of being robbed.

           

Nothing says "Official New Yorker" like having your money stolen by a couple of teenagers. I wish I could tell you that I'm A-OK about the incident. The truth is it made me angry and a little jittery. I worked hard for that money. I also worked hard to sustain a level of trust and safety in this city. I'm a bit more cautious when it comes to people now. I suspect this nervous energy will ease at some point. But trust me when I say that if I didn't feel 30 before my little run in with the pubescent Ocean's Eleven, then hearing myself yell "YOU ALL NEED AN ASS WHOOPIN'" as they ran away with my cash certainly did the trick.

3). I've experienced a few bumps a bruises when it comes to love and dating.

I remember my first heartache. I curled up on my bed, listened to "This I Promise You" by N'sync on repeat and wondered "Where did it all go wrong? How did this happen? We're suppose to be together." There was nothing I could do. Justin Timberlake loved Britney Spears, not me. *Sigh* I had to let him go.  Anyhoo, fast-forward to today. Dating and love is still the most unpredictable book I've ever read.  But, it's nothing that couldn't be healed with amazing friends, Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movies and a bit of interpretive dance to Prodigy in my apartment. In the words of Forest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

4). I'm A Working Actress 

I hopped off the bus in NYC Axel Rose "Welcome To The Jungle" style. With my bags in one hand and my dreams in the other, I was determined to manifest every desire of my heart. In the past year, I've witnessed several victories in my acting career. I have a manager/agent now. I've been going on auditions and best of all, booking roles. When you leap out on faith without any proof that you'll be caught, its scary. I'm still not quite sure there's a net to catch me but, the fall has been anything but boring. The feeling I felt when I received the email about my very 1st SAG role booking.... I can't describe it. Incredible doesn't seem like enough. I ran to the roof of my apartment, looked at the Empire State Building (It was pink that night) and I "Whooooo-hoooooooooed" like it was New Years Eve. Now that I've experienced that feeling, I will always want it again and again. Like a drug. Maybe my Acting career will work out. Maybe it won't. But what ever I do in this life, I now KNOW that I need that feeling. I need that light feeling of accomplishment and excitement. 




So, there you have it! A "Previously on A Lovely Puzzle...." for ya before the season premiere. I have to say, I'm a little to excited about writing this blog again. For a person who didn't think she had anything interesting to say, my mind is buzzing with all sorts of stories to share. It gives me another reason to stop and notice the present. Looking forward to experiencing 2015 with you! Until next time... 

Love Always, 
The girl who is still putting together her lovely puzzle

Welcome to Jurassic Park

20 years ago my mother took me to the the movies to see "Jurassic Park". I remember everything about that night. The excitement, the danger, the music... every aspect of that movie took me in. I could barely sit still! After the movie was over, I stood on my seat and applauded and begged my mom to let me sit through the credits. I just wasn't ready to let go. The next weekend, I had a date with my father. He took me to the movies to see (you guessed it)"Jurassic Park" under the false belief(I provided of course) that I hadn't seen it yet. The second time around, I watched the people around me. I  wanted to see if they would laugh at certain scenes or the look of fear in their eyes when the cup of water vibrated from the T-Rex's oh so anticipated approach. Right then, I knew. I knew that I wanted to be apart of this world. I wanted to be a character in some amazing story that snagged the hearts and minds of an audience and caused a little girl to stand in her chair and applaud. I wanted to bring something that started on a page to life. Thus, the beginning of my urge to become an Actress. 

Oh Goldblum. Usain Bolt would have gotten away.

Cut to 20 years later.... That same girl is listening to the "Jurrasic Park" score on her Ipod as her train crosses the bridge from Brooklyn into Manhattan. I'm on my way to an interview with VOICETheatre. VOICETheatre is an amazing program that gives recognition to new artists and a stage for new works. It also allows for professional, working directors and casting directors to hold workshops for Actors as well as showcasing them to agents and other industry professionals. They look for trained Actors to showcase and get their names out into NYC. Hundreds apply and 16 are chosen.

There are several reasons that I wanted to move to NYC. I wanted to find out more about myself. I wanted to live in this amazing place where anything could happen. Most of all, I wanted to further my acting career. Of course, this was easier said than done. I live in a place where actors take over half of the population. Everyone here has a dream and a song to sing. Getting people to notice you out of a million is a pretty hard deed. But, even knowing this, I still came here to pursue my dream.
Like a bright eyed ingenue in an 80's flashback, I stepped off the bus ready to take the world by storm.

Its been an interesting year and a half. I've had some bad auditions and a couple of good ones. I've had moments where I've doubted my path and others where my path looks bathed in gold. I'm pretty sure there are hundreds of glossy headshots with my smiling face littering the local trash dump. I'm also pretty sure I've been told critiques by casting directors that would make you think the word "Actor" was just another way to say "emotional masochist".

  I'm sorry, did you just call me "Fatty Cakes" in the middle of my audition? Ummmmmmm............

 And don't even get me started on when you actually get an audition. It's like Pavlov's Dogs. You start salivating at the mouth with dreams dancing in your brain of you running through a field with a script in one hand, sides in the other while you're being chased by Ben Affleck and Catherine Bigelow. Their shouts of "I have the perfect role for you" echoing in your ears as you run towards a beautiful sunset that looks remarkably like a TONY hugging an Oscar.

Even with all the struggles and little wiggles thrown into my straight line, there is something that still tells me to keep going. Is it fate? Is it my own stubbornness? Honestly, its probably a little bit of both. All I know is that Jurassic Park loving girl isn't ready to sing a swan song. In fact, it seems I've been trying harder. Sending out more and more headshots. Submitting myself until my computer sighs and blows out hot air. I've prayed and wished for opportunities to present themselves. Which brings to me to my interview with VOICETheatre. I went in with the intention of doing the very best I could, no expectations... no Pavlov's Dog response. When I walked out, I felt so amazing. The kind of amazing that can only be found when you feel like you've conquered something. I was proud of myself. Of course I wanted to be chosen but, even if I wasn't, I still nailed it. I haven't felt that since I moved here.

2 days later, I received a call inviting me to be one of the 16 Actors for their showcase. I have no idea what this will lead to. I don't know if this will be the start of something big or if it will be a step towards supporting myself as a working actor. Hell, it may not lead to much at all. But, who cares! It's an accomplishment. And if I could give advice to anyone about living, it would be to celebrate your wins.. small, medium, or Burj Khalifa. CELEBRATE IT! Besides, you never know what could happen. In such a big city, I'm just grateful for the smallest of chances.

I have no idea why I wanted to write this into a blog. The other day a friend called me and asked how things were going and I was just so excited to have news and wonderful things to tell her. I was even more excited to hear about her amazing news. I don't know. I think 2013 is going to be the year of pursuit. Pursuit of your dreams and pursuit of the things that YOU want. There are so many people I know on the cliff's edge, ready to jump into the abyss of goals that they truly want to meet. I can't wait to hear all about it! Happy New Year all! Maybe 2013 slap you with a happy stick, light a candle in the darkness and bring more fulfillment than you even thought possible.

Until Next Time.....

Love Always, 
   The girl who can't believe "Jurassic Park" is 20 years old! And "Hocus Pocus".... and "Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit"! 

Shit Actors Say