Happy New Year... There's Poop On Your Sleeve

Ok, let me set the scene for you. Imagine you are strolling around NYC listening to Celine Dion's greatest hits. You're just wandering, minding your own beeswax when all of a sudden you come across an argument in the middle of a side walk. And, this isn't just any old argument. This is the type of spectacle that attracts a crowd with the future promise of Po-po and flashing lights.

So, lady (and I use that term loosely) #1 and lady #2 are fighting over the sad male figure standing in the middle. I'm pretty sure his name is Lexington (because that's all the "ladies" kept shouting... "Lexington is mine!" "F*ck you ho! You don't know nothin' bout me and Lexington!") Business started getting real when lady #2 threw her boot at lady #1, hitting Lexington in the process. Now keep in mind that all of this was going on while the melancholy sounds of "My Heart Will Go On"  floats through my earbuds. "I will f*ck you up b*tch!"........ "Near, far... wherever you are"..........."Well bring it then! C'mon b*tch!".............. "You are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and oooooonnnnnnnnnnnn." As I turned to walk away from the fight club I couldn't help but think... "Welcome back to New York Makia!" *Sigh* It's good to be home.

2014!!! I don't know about you but, I'm super excited. There's just something so amazing about entering a new year. It's like starting a new novel. A 365 page mysterious adventure. Yeah, you know the basic plot points but the twists and turns and memorable phrases are still ahead, waiting to be read. I spent most 2013's final days eagerly awaiting the approach of January.  2013 was such an interesting year for me. It was equally and difficult as it was amazing. I made new friends, got an agent, had a crush, laugh till I cried and cried until I couldn't do anything but laugh. I encountered both life's treasures and tests. Some tests I passed with flying colors and others I had to fail a few times before learning. I felt the heartache of rejection and the soaring feeling of acceptance. It was... quiet a year. One that I will look back on fondly. But, I also feel like it was preparing me for something. Maybe one day when someone looks to me for advice about going through hard times, I can tell them "You will make it." I can give them advice based off of experience and not just my unbroken optimism. Who knows. Who indeed knows. 

This week, I was asked to imagine myself as an old lady on a mountain top. Peaceful and calm and looking back on her life. What would she say to me? What advice would she give me about going into 2014? The first thing I immediately noticed about my future old lady self was hope at peaceful. The second thing I noticed was that my old lady self was a true smart ass and she was A-ok with that. She pretty much laughed at my present 29 year old self, shaking her head like "Kid, it's all going to be a grand adventure. One day, you'll be me, hanging on a mountain top, listening to Fleetwood Mac, sipping on spirits and relaxing. I loved this visual exercise and I think it's something that will stay with me. A kind of "What Would Old Lady You Do?" I've already asked myself that a few times this week. Apparently, old lady me is as fearless as gladiator with a mouth like a pirate and a heart big enough to love the world. That's what I eventually want to get to. So, looking at things from that perspective has me gearing up for all kinds of leaps this year. 

Right now, my old lady self is giving me advice on how to survive the snowy, cold winter of NYC. Seriously. I'm pretty sure God gave me a break my first couple of NYC winters. They were like a lovely summer's day compared to this polar explosion. I'm not sure i've ever experienced -20 degree weather. Sadly, I can now mark that off the bucket list. So, what does old lady Kiki have to say about getting through the cold, Big Apple winter? So glad you asked!

6 Tips For Surviving Mr. Freezes Attack On NYC

1). Who care's how cute your outfit is! Bundle up you foul fool!! Nobody likes frostbite of the ass!

        -Seriously. It's cold out. Stop with all this tiny jacket nonsense when you got out at night. Everyone will be able to see you righteous ensemble when you get in the bar, ok? Outside the bar, everyone is just too busy trying to avoid frozen eyeballs.

2). Jack Frost is a tease. Jack Daniels is the one who will keep you warm tonight. But don't have to much of JD either or he'll become a real headache.

           -Hot Toddy. Say it with me everyone.... Hot Toddy.

3). When life gives you snow... make a snow angel

             -Busting you fanny can be a bit of a drag. But, don't be embarrassed! Everyone wipes out at least once in NYC right. So, if you happen to fall in the snow, why not take advantage on your horizontalness. Make a snow angel! That way your annoying situation can make you and someone else smile. Or, if you are a real boss, you can play off your fall as a "I meant to do that" type thing. 

4). Tip your delivery guy!!! 

             If you are going to order food in this crazy cold weather, tip the delivery guy! And make it a good tip!! Don't be lazy and cheap at the same time ok? Now if you have a reason (it was late, the order was wrong) ok... understandable. But if everything runs smoothly and that person is bringing you sesame chicken during a blizzard.... They have a frozen nose! The least you can do is give them a decent tip. You don't want that special place in Hell reserved for you... do you?

5). Leave earlier. You may not have a spot on the subway car the first go around. 

         -Morning traffic on the subway is already a comedy. You usually end up smushed next to someone you don't know, counting down the stops until you can get off. The winter is no different and has the added bonus of winter gear involved. You think it's hard to get on a crowded train now, imagine all those people wearing 3 times the clothes along with a huge sleeping bag like coat on top. You remember Ralphie's brother on "A Christmas Story"? Yeah, a train full of people, no one can put their arms down. So just leave a little earlier. That way you won't be late and pissed off if you miss a train.

6). Pay attention to what lies beneath the surface.

            -So, in the spirit of taking my old lady's advice, I happily made a snow angel in the park the other day. When I got up, I saw that my pretty angel wing was smeared with brown. I then, with fear and trepidation, looked at my sleeve and noticed a half frozen log of poop stuck to it. Snow angel : FAIL. So, what can we learn from this kids? If you are going to play in the snow remember that there could be dog doodie under the beautiful blanket of white winter wonderland. My ultimate fear is that it didn't come from a dog. *Sigh* but we won't think about that right now.

Bonus tip: Donate, donate, donate!!!!

     - If you are able to give, there are amazing coat and blanket drives out there. I am so thankful that I have a place that's warm to go home to. Other's don't. Giving an old coat or blanket may not seem like the answer but, it's a start. It can help. So, look up local drives and try to give if you can. Sorry if this is preachy. 

Ok kids! I hope you guys had an amazing holiday and that you all are enjoying the New Year. I hope that 2014 brings you great happiness and gives you heartfelt memories. I can't wait to discover all the things that this year gifts you with. If you have any aspirations for the coming year send me a message. I will make sure to keep you in my prayers and wishes :). Until next time.......


Love always,
    The girl who's on a journey

Cool Runnings

So, yesterday, I got up early and took a relaxing morning stroll around my little haven of Brooklyn. Mmmm... the romantic fall chill, the warm cup of Earl Grey in my hand, the sounds of Fleetwood Mac  flowing out of my ear buds. I was perfectly content. My easy morning strut was rudely interrupted by a flash of highlighter yellow shorts and heavy breathing barrelling around the corner and ramming into yours truly. Nothing says "Good Morning" like looking up at someone from the flat of your now sore keister. And what do I get for my troubles? The guy shouts a "My bad!" as he jogs backwards into the morning fog. *Sigh* I blame the New York Marathon.

I've seen more runners around my neighborhood in the last two days than I've seen in the last 2 months. Honestly, I can't blame them. Who wouldn't be motivated by the amazing site that was the NYC Marathon on Sunday. I don't think I was prepared for all of the overwhelming emotions that rushed over me while I watched those magnificent gladiators fulfill a dream. 

It's just a bunch of people running, right? Not to me. To me, those people represented possibility. 

I've never been a runner. In gym class, I considered it a personal torture to complete the mile run requirement. While others completed the task in no time and spent the rest of the class chilling on the bleachers and gossiping, I stubbornly took the entire period to finish the four laps around the track. I'm pretty sure I feigned the plague on several of those "Fitness Test" days. Can't we just play dodge ball and forget this whole mile run business? 

Now, I've began to look at joggers with a kind of curious fascination. Once you get past the sweat soaked clothing and huffy breathing, they look so relaxed and patient and... healthy. A while back, I attempted to start my relationship with jogging but, ended up kicking it to the curb for other more glamorous forms of exercise like kickboxing and zumba. Watching and cheering on the runners changed that for me. Somewhere in the middle of all the "Whoooo!" and shouting "You rock" and singing along to the Tom Petty songs playing out of a sidewalk stereo, I began to believe that maybe, just maybe I could add a Marathon to my bucket list. I know right! The girl who would have flung poo at the idea of completing a mile wants to tackle 26.2 of them. Nuts! I mean, anything can be done with time and dedication right? So, I am going to start slow. Work my way back up. For now, my mountain is a simple mile. I have to get through that without crying and cursing the world. Then, after I do that, I have to keep going. This will be the hard part, sticking with it. 

Weight loss, oh weight loss. You are a sadistic bitch, rivaling even the most ruthless Betty Davis character. My weight has been going through a long (seemingly endless) period of uncertainly. Like the piedmont, my scale shows a gently rolling hill of numbers. Up, down. Slightly up. Plateau... down. Back up. It's been interesting. But, that scale is getting a little bit closer to 200. That makes me happy. It makes it all worth it. When I finally hit below that 200 mark, look out because I am jumping on the nearest person. Annnnd I want to be carried. Carried like a princess, haha. I'm getting there. I'll be there soon. I haven't seen the 100's since I was in middle school. I still have a long way to go but, my car is chuggin' down that road. Even if I happen to have a flat tire at the moment. 

I've been fooling around with a few recipes lately and decided to share one with you guys. It was so simple and makes my morning a lot easier. I'm not sure about you guys but, I don't really like to take a lot of time to fix breakfast on weekday mornings. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you.....

Egg White Bites

So good, they make you wanna say...............     

Ingredients needed: 

Carton of egg whites

Mini-muffin or muffin tin

Olive oil cooking spray

Your favorite vegetables 

Your favorite spices 

(MIA: Carton of egg whites. Looks like a milk carton but, filled with egg whites. Boom.)

1). Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Spray each muffin tin with olive oil cooking spray so it lightly coats the bottom

2). Add your favorite diced vegetables!

3). Fill each muffin tin with egg whites. 

4). Lastly, sprinkle the tops with some ground black pepper (or any spices that make you seriously excited) for a little flavor. 

5). Toss them in the oven! 

The mini muffin tins took about 10 minutes. If you are using regular sized muffin tins, let them cook for about 20 minutes. Once they are cooled, enjoy! Add extra toppings like salsa or avacado for maximum BAMFness.

 

And that's it. You can refrigerate what's left over. They last for a couple of days. You have a yummy breakfast in the morning that you can heat up and go. Add a bowl of fruit or yogurt to the meal and BAM! You're basically eating like a king :). Plus, when you are done, you can take an unnecessary selfie of you enjoying your creation!

Alright guys! Hope you enjoy. If you try out the egg white bites, let me know what you think!! Until next time......

Love Always, 

   The girl who completed a mile around the track today :) 

S.ugar H.oney I.ced T.ea

This just in: Today I, Makia Janine Martin, had the absolute WORST audition that I have EVER had in my entire acting life. This was the kind of spectacular failure that I imagine ending with a person on their knees with hands thrusting up towards the sky as they shout "WHY GOD!? WHHHYYYYYY?!" The kind of hideous scene worthy of a slow motion movie moment. People shaking their heads lazily... a person saying "Nooooooo" in that deep, warped slow voice. I was an active participant in this crime ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I plead "Guilty". My sentence handed down to me in the form of an awkward silence, followed by a "Thank you Makia. We'll let you know." So, here I am, half a Guinness later (a Guinness and a half), able to tell you the tale. 

Yesterday, I was invited to come and audition for "Porgy and Bess". For those of you who don't know, "Porgy and Bess" is a George Gershwin opera first performed in 1935. It's also responsible for classics like the song "Summertime". I mean,  I was pretty excited. That is, until I realized that the song I would be auditioning with was "My Man Is Gone Now" and composed in the key "Dog Whistle". I actually broke out into a hysterical laughter when I listened to my audition piece. My mezzo-soprano range was not even ready for the "business time" that was this song's pitch". But, as an actress, when you get an audition you pull yourself together, prepare and go in there ready to blow them away. So, I prepared. I prepared all night until I literally fell asleep on my sheet music. The next day, I was ready and confident. I walked to that audition with a pep in my step and a smirk on my face. These people had no idea what kind of Goddess they were about to encounter. I was pretty much in Annette Benning "I will sell this house today." mode.

You bet your sweet ass I'm gonna sang

So, I planned to sing the song in a pitch that was perfect for me. What the hell, right? If I was gonna sing this song, I was gonna do it in a way that made me feel proud. Not even the broad that went in before me (who, I might add, sounded like The Phantom of The Opera was her granddaddy) could make me regret this decision. So... I walked in, headshot in hand and victory in my heart. As soon as the first note left my mouth, the casting director stopped me and said "No. That's too low. Can you sing it in this key?" The piano accompanist happily played the key for me, pressing it several times as if mocking my attempt. I gave it a shot but, but the only sound that came out was "irate cat".

"No, I'm sorry but, I'm not able to hit that note" I said. *Sigh* "Ok," said the casting director. "Do you have anything else you could sing?" Now, I got really excited about this. With me, I had the sheet music for "When You're Good To Mama" from "Chicago". A song, that I've sung so many times, I could nail it in my sleep. I ran it over to the accompanist and took center stage, and readied myself to burn this place down.

 
And off I went, singing my sassy little song. 5 seconds in, I could already tell that the casting director was NOT interested. He started yawning and making a few quiet comments to the people beside him. They already knew that I wasn't what they wanted but, they let me finish the song just to be nice. My decision? The hell you will. I will blow this last note out of the sky. They won't even see it coming. And well... blew that note I did. Blew it out like an old tire. Right there in the middle of my grand finale, my voice cracked. Like, "young boy going through puberty" cracked. After I finished, we all sat there in silence. They just stared at me and I stared back with an expression battling between fake confidence and mortification. Not even my mother would have applauded that monstrosity. And if she did, it would only be because she thought I looked pretty.

They gave me the "Don't call us, we'll call you" spiel and I power walked out of there with my Disney smile still in place. As soon as the elevator doors closed behind me, I stared at my reflection in the metal and burst into laughter. Are you serious? What in the unsatisfying F*CK just happened in there?

So yeah, here I am in all my PTSD glory. What surprises me the most is how comical I find the situation. I thought a bad audition like that would leave me licking my wounds and afraid to ever step in an audition room again. But, it didn't. I left motivated and excited. I had new things to work on and I wanted to improve them. Its amazing how many situations we think will knock us down for the count. Yet, we make it through. Of course this is the original point for this blog posting.

You, me, all of us... this gathering of souls trying to find absolute fulfillment on this earth are perfectly capable of surviving through failures. We get back up, learn from it and push on. I've seen it happen time and time again. Never be afraid to fail spectacularly. I'm talking in all aspects of your life, from career to love. I know this is a "Duh" motivational speech that we've heard all our lives from cheesy after school specials. But, you can always hear it again. Anyhoo, my "The More You Know" moment is over. I just wanted to give a little encouragement to all you Rocky Balboa's out there. No Fear. Well, maybe a little fear but, that's kind of part of the fun isn't it?

Until Next Time......

4 Scenes That Describe My Audition

1). How I walked in to the audition...

2). During the audition.... All's well until...

3). How I left the audition....

 

 

4). After the audition......

Love Always,
     The Girl Who's ready for another audition. (Bring it on)

Summer Roast

You say September. I say... ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Is it already September? I'm really going to start referring to year 2013 as "Bolt" because this sucka is flying by like it's running for gold. It seems like just yesterday I was walking around Manhattan with a dewy sheen to my skin and puffy hair, courtesy of nature's red headed step child, humidity. Today, I stepped outside my apartment and immediately felt the icy tingles in my throat while breathing in the first chilly signs of Fall. 

Mmmm... Fall. Pumpkins, cinnamon, Halloween, the romance of the ever changing leaves falling around you in jewel toned showers. But, I'm not really gonna get into all that. This blog post is not about dear ol' Autumn. This post is a proper "How I spent my Summer vacation". An acknowledgement of all that Summer has given me this year, good and bad. A sort of... roast! So, sit back in your throne Summer and let me give 3 cheers and a few jeers to sweltering months and hazy memories you've selflessly gifted to the human race.

The Noodle Throne invites you to reminisce on the days of Summer's past

You know you're singing this song right now

Summer memories always flash through my mind in a blur of hot sunny days, the rush of jumping into cool water, music festivals, private jokes, sweaty beers, ice cream cones, grilled foods, heavy rain, singing into your fan, sand drawings, lustful travels, bad movies, good books and all the lazy daydreams a person can muster. There's a certain magical spark about that time of year. Maybe its the fact that the Summer caress runs on a ticking timer. We only have 

a set number of days per year of seemingly endless daylight hours and balmy nights. Everything is so important and new and the words "Now! Here! Capture!" seem to enchant us. Our inhibitions disappear and the careless freedoms of our youth seem to vanquish our resolve. Summer truly is the "carpe diem" of all the four seasons. Too much? Haha. Well, maybe. Maybe its just me." I always feel the desire to experience at least one perfect Summer moment. One moment worthy of a good screenplay or a "When I was your age..." story that I'm sure to tell in my "old lady and her rocking chair" days.

The word for my Summer was definitely "Introspective". I spent most of my time in a state of constant arrangement. Planning my next moves. Prepping the plans for my next moves. Don't get me wrong. I did a lot. I hit pretty much every topic in my list of the perfect Summer. But most of my summer was spent in thought. Plus, for some reason my body decided to that it cared very little about Summer days. I became a child of the moon. My eyes refused to give in to sleep until closer to dawn. Most of my late nights were spent on the roof, writing, star gazing (at what little stars you can see in the city) and listening to music. By the end of August, most of my plans catapulted straight towards action. I think I needed that. That peaceful focus. 

When I wasn't a round, brown lump on a roof, my need to seize and conquer the moment lead me to various outdoor movies, exhibits, leisurely long walks and enough amazing company and laughs to add another smile line to my face. And of course, Summer wouldn't be complete without at least 1 nostalgic concert. I had the pleasure of seeing the amazingly brilliant Beck live and in charge. You don't need me to tell you that the concert blew my socks off. It was perfection. 

This Pimp right here

By the time day gave way to night, Beck was almost done with his set. He started performing a song I've never really paid attention to before. It was a slow, hypnotizing melody. It was then, with the sweat clinging to me and blue lights shinning on the crowd that I experienced my perfect summer moment. It just felt like a calm electric current. I threw my arms up and just enjoyed the sway of the crowd and the timbre of his voice. I was just so happy to be there, in that spot, at that very second. Not even the drunk girl bouncing behind me shouting "YOLO" could take the feeling away. You know the feeling. We've all had it. We all go through life chasing that feeling like a drug. Its the feeling of being perfectly content and happy in the moment you are in. Sometimes our minds are moving a little too fast to experience it. But, when you do... bangerang.

Warning!! Warning!! This tiny section of the blog was written by an irritated woman, during a heatwave, before her air conditioner was installed.

While internally, I'm thanking Summer for it's leisurely attitude, externally, I could honestly give this season the biggest stink eye on the planet. I hate being HOT! If it involves and umbrella, a beach, a breeze, the Mai-est of Tai, and a good book... I'm all for it. But, I'm not for the sun baking me like a cookie while I'm waiting to cross 34th street. I'm definitely not a fan of muggy and honestly, humidity can lock it up!  During the Summer months, I walk around the city looking like I just came from a fresh obstacle course. At least with cold weather, I can layer up. Not the same with hot weather. There's only so many layers of clothing you can remove before you become a disturber of the peace. Plus, going to jail for public nudity and/or cooling off in the Lincoln Center fountain just doesn't sound like fun. Have you seen "Orange Is The New Black"? Yeah... definitely staying away from crime. You'd think I'd be use to it by now, being a "Southern lady" and all. NOPE. Strolling around here during a heat wave is on another level. It's like the devil's hands are playing a childish game of "I'm not touching you! Not touching you!" with the Earth. Sheesh. 

I feel this girl's pain.... preach sista soldier.

And now it's time to say goodbye to longer days and shorter nights....

I'm sitting on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art listening to a man playing captivating tunes on his saxophone. Its just so... New York. And I adore it. The night is chilly. It kind of makes me wish I'd brought a cardigan with me but, oh well, I welcome the goosebumps. This is how it's going to be now. Sure, we'll have a few hot days but, they are dwindling. Summer's bowing out. The electricity in the air is turning into an idyllic meander that comes with Autumn. It's been a good season. So, what about you guys? Did you have a good Summer? I certainly hope that you did. I mean, we only get 1 Summer 2013. If you didn't seize it, you have a few weeks left to remedy that. :)

Until Next Time....

5 Songs In My Summer Closet....

1). Year 2010 - Lady Gaga - Alejandro

2). Year 2001- Eve Ft. Gwen Stefani - Let Me Blow Your Mind

3). Year 1997 - Spice Girls - Say You'll Be There

4) Year 1991 - Bryan Adams - Everything I Do (I Do It For You)   (Don't you dare judge me!)

5). Year 1985 - Phil Collins - Sussudio 

Love Always, 

    The girl who sometimes, misses the sounds of a country Summer night.

Spare Some Change?

Sheesh! I feel like I haven't posted in forever. Life has been moving sonic the hedgehog style the last couple of month. With changes popping up in every aspect of my life from weight loss to career to family, I've hardly had a moment to just sit down and post. But today, with nothing to do but kick back with a cold root beer as summer descends upon NYC, I wanted to just write a brief post about all the happenings.


Change #1: Career Moves

Like the city, I've had this anxious buzz flowing around me lately. Anxious to try something different. Anxious to move to the next step. So, after taking another accounting clerk job, I made the decision that it would be my last for a while. I wanted to pursue my dreams full time. It's amazing what happens when you close your eyes and just leap out on faith. I've been getting more auditions in the last few weeks than I've had in the last few years. With the pick up in my auditioning, there's also been a pick up in rejection. I've been knocked on my ass by rejection in this business so much that I swear I can feel bruises. But honestly, I have to say that I have never been more excited to hear a "NO" in my life. I just keep tallying them up because that yes... it's coming. If I have to  take another accounting job in the future, I will. You do what you HAVE to do so that you can do what you WANT to do. But for now, I'm gonna roll with this and wear my determination like a bold red lipstick. 

Change #2: Weight Loss

If anyone ever says to me "Losing weight isn't that hard", I'm going to bitch smack them in the ear. This weight loss journey... what can I say? It's equal parts exhilarating and frustrating. Not to mention that it feels like it's moving at the speed of a parked car. I actually went to a doctor because I felt that something was going on with my body that wouldn't let me loose. But, the simple answer was... It took a long time to get this way and its gonna take a while to get rid of it. So, not only am I exercising my body, I'm also exercising my patience. Doing this the right, healthy way is slow and steady but, I've heard that slow and steady wins the race so.... gotta keep on pushin'. One thing I have noticed is my need growing for all things healthy. Its no secret that I've slid back into old habits a time or two but, lately, I've been wanting healthier options. I want a bowl of fruit instead of a bag of chips. I want my morning workout. I see my addictions changing for the better. And it's true, tomorrow when I look in the mirror, I won't see a body that will cause Beyonce jealously but, hopefully, I will see a body that makes me proud. A work in progress. 

Change #3: Makia... I am your father

This time last year, I was writing a Father's Day blog dedicated to my dad, a person I hardly knew. Most of you know that my father was rarely apart of my life when I was younger. Even more so, when I was a teenager. Then one day, he just... disappeared. I haven't seen my father in 11 years. So, imagine my stunned surprise when I received a phone call a couple of weeks ago from none other than the man himself. This was probably the strangest day of my life. I'd pretty much accepted the fact that I would never speak with my father again and now, here he was. We talked for hours that night and about everything under the sun. I learned information about my family and also things about my dad that I never knew. I'm a lot like him. Since that night, I've talked to my father every day. Mostly, our conversations start with "So what happened in your life during (insert year here). He wants to be apart of my life. What shocks me the most about this is how easily we've connected. I plan on taking this slowly, one day at a time style but still, it's hard for me not to feel completely giddy and hopeful about him. I know most of you are wondering why I would share something so personal on this blog. The truth is sadly, I know a lot of people who also didn't have a solid relationship with their fathers as a child. I know most would understand. I don't know if that makes sense but, I just wanted to share this piece of honesty.

Change #4: ME

I took a picture of myself while typing this blog because I noticed that I just couldn't stop smiling like a fool. I've been in NYC for 2 years now (officially on June 16) and thinking about that just gave me this overwhelming sense of gratitude. I'm so thankful to be where I am right now in this moment. The last 2 years have been unbelievable. Without sounding like a classic movie slow clap speech, I have to state that I've grown so so so much in that time. I'm becoming an extension of the city with its dominance and allure and energy and independence and hope. I've met so many amazing people here and gotten closer to those I already knew. I know it's pretty ridiculous to write about my changes at the moment because as people, we are ever changing. It doesn't stop. In six month I'll probably write another blog about a completely new set of events. Right now, I'm making room for them. Room in my heart for all the love I have to give. Room in my mind for all the things I will learn. So, happy anniversary New York City. You've been just as good for me as I hope I've been for you. *Sigh* I really tried not to make this a slow clap moment. Really! I did. I'm just cheesy and since I'm 29, I'm pretty sure the cheese is here to stay.

Until Next time......

5 Songs With The Word "Change" In The Title

1). "Changes" by David Bowie

2). "Change Your Mind" by The Killers

3). "A Change Is Gonna Come" by Sam Cooke

4). "Change The World" by Eric Clapton

5).  "A Change Would Do You Good" by Sheryl Crow

Love Always, 

The girl who can't stop dancing to "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk

Digital Getdown

When I was a little girl, I loved Communion Sundays. The voices from the choir soared a little higher. The church hats were a little bigger. To a young girl who only had a bowl of Apple Jacks before Sunday School, the best part was the bread and wine provided at the end of the service. Wow, I use to look forward to that little piece of bread. No bigger than a squished skittle, this iota of bread dominated my mind through most of sermon. At the time, I didn't understand the symbolism of the bread and wine, I just knew that this treat would hold me over until the fam and I could get to Golden Corral. And when I held that small, plastic shot glass full of what I believed to be wine... it was like a whole other level. I felt like such an adult! One who grew up in the 90's would say that I thought myself to be "All That". Then one day, my elementary school teacher shattered my dreams during our daily snack time. After telling my co-classmates that we were drinking wine with our animal crackers, my teacher pulled me to the side and devastated me by revealing that we were in fact drinking grape juice and NOT a "blessed by God" alcoholic beverage. I may or may not have called her a liar. She may or may not have taken away my silver star for the day because I used the word liar. Anyway, after that, Communion Sunday's were a bit different to me. I always felt a little slighted. I wanted to tell God "Hey man! They're giving out fake wine! Your blood is being represented by grape juice!" I also tried to express my feelings to my family but alas, no one listens to a little black girl with a squeaky voice, who just learned the word "injustice".

This is the random memory going through my mind as I sit here, sipping a delicious Malbec, on a video chat date with a guy I met on OkCupid.com. I'm sure you can probably tell (from my lack of focus on the boy in question) that the date isn't going very well. The truth is, I knew this Titanic was going to sink the moment he sat down in front of he computer. Now don't accuse me of being shallow. It wasn't his looks that had me shaking my head. It was the fact that he sat down in front of the computer conveniently missing his shirt, baring his slightly oiled upper body and wearing a smirk that seemed to say "That's right gurl.... Don't fight the heat."

Him: Ehhhh sexy.
Me: Hey there buddy. Lose you shirt?
Him: Heh. Naaah. Just got out of the shower. Now I'm all clean for you.
Me:  (not able to think of how to respond to that) So fresh and so clean clean!
Him: I can go get a shirt. Or, I can not get a shirt. It all depends on if you like what's going on here.
Me: Ummm....
Him: Don't be shy. Mmph! Wit yo sexy lips.

ICEBERG.

Now, to you, that line might not sound all that bad. Well, you're right. Coming from the mouth of certain men, during different circumstances, it could be funny or flirtatious or even charming. But the delivery of his words (mixed with confidence of his smug brow) showed me exactly where this was headed. This guy was about 5 seconds away from giving me a cheesy line like "Wow baby, your boobs look tense. Want me to massage them for you?" Or, a downright rude line like "Damn gurl! You're like 9/11 sweety... You changin' my world." Ay yi yi....

 How do I even begin to explain how I got myself in this situation. I'm thinking it started on New Years Eve. In my mystery red drink haze, I decided that my resolution would be to put myself out there more. If I wanted to date, I should get into the groove and make it happen. Stop telling guys "No, I'm just dancing with my friends". Or, get rid of my "don't bother me, I'm reading" face when I'm hanging out alone in public. Be more inviting to the opposite sex. So, I got together a game plan. Go out at least once every weekend to meet men. Be a little more obvious with my flirtation. GO FOR IT! Wear something that makes you feel attractive. Touch. Smile. Wink. Cock you head to the side. All those good "How to catch the eye of another" suggestions you read about in Cosmo. And of course, find other avenues for dating. Which brought me to the cyber matchmaking machine that is the online dating world. 

 Come Meet your prince baby

Don't get me wrong, I've heard some pretty amazing stories when it comes to meeting someone online. I even know a few wonderful couples who are now happily married to a person they would have never met had they decided NOT to finish that oh so tedious online profile. I've also heard some horror stories. I mean, the TV show "Catfish" is just one shinning example of what could go wrong. Honestly it's a coin toss. But, I figured "Why the hell not?" and joined a few sites. The "Putting yourself out there" mission was well on it's way.


Creating an online profile is about as frustrating and mind numbing as filling out  a college application. You have to present all the amazing things about yourself using only a couple of paragraphs. It almost reminds me of being an Actor. Marketing yourself is crucial. Do you want to be funny or mysterious? Vixen or Sweetheart? Are you the best friend type... or the leading lady? I don't know about you guys but, I have never felt more stumped than I feel when I am staring at a blinking cursor in an "About Me" section. Don't even get me started on the profile photos. "Hmmmm... I look silly in that picture." Or, " You can see my back fat in that picture!" Or, "Oooo my smile looks awesome! This is a winner! But... it's a 5 year old picture. Hmm..oh well, they'll get the gist." Seriously! This profile drove me bananas for days. 

 Haha! Wow.. This guy...

After getting my own profile settled, it was time for fun. I searched through the men that my website had to offer. It was like my own little private version of "The Dating Game". I've actually met a few nice guys. Although none of them really led to anything, it was still nice to just meet and chat and flirt and just be single and actually kind of "dating". On the other hand, I've also met a few duds. The "Never Ever NEVER" list includes a few famous screen names like MoneyCatch2012, Vanilla_Heat1113, Huggies1972, BIGcrimeMelvin, and my all time favorite... ButtHunter69. Well, I have to admit, at least with a name like ButtHunter69 a girl can pretty much guess what type of guy she's in for. No secrets with good ol' ButtHunter. It's pretty obvious that you won't be telling your grand kids in the future how you saw the name ButtHunter and knew that you and grandpa were meant to be.

*Le sigh* Another year, another Valentine's Day in NYC. Seriously, I think that this city is it's own giant Valentine year round but, it's something about February 14th that makes it a little more romantic. I took the longer route from work on that night because I just enjoyed the energy. The Empire State Building glowed pink and red as couples strolled hand in hand, slow and content despite the cold weather. It occurred to me while walking around that my New Years Resolution was pretty ridiculous. Well, at least some of it. I still want to put myself out there. I still want to try to meet new people but, I don't want to do it as some Cosmo programed barbie doll. If I'm feeling flirtatious, then OH BOY, I will flirt. If I want to stay home on the weekends with a book and warm tea, then I will. I'll wink when I feel cheeky and smile when I want to and laugh my big hearty laugh if something tickles me. Maybe, on some days, my outfit that I feel attractive in happens to be my yoga pants and a t-shirt. No more game plan. If I'm going to meet someone, I want them to meet ME. That statement also applies to my online profile. I went back and erased the whole thing and just wrote what I felt like writing. Funny, mysterious, vixen, sweetheart... I'm all those things! No one could discover that in one paragraph. I added some pictures taken of myself recently and then stepped away. My resolution had a new meaning... "Put YOURSELF out there". Maybe I will get a lot of messages, maybe I won't. I guess we will see.

"So Kiki, What happened with the "Top Gun" volleyball scene extra you talked about at the beginning of the blog?" 

 Well, you can probably already guess that it didn't work out. But, it wasn't just me. He also knew it. The one word answers and lack luster questions between us had red lights flashing within 10 minutes. After it was obvious that this was going nowhere but off a cliff, he decided to steer the conversation to a topic that was he was sure would save the evening... cyber sex. And me? Well, I did what any woman would do when a guy, you don't want anything to do with, tries to start a friendly game of "Let's compare areolas".... I pretended there was and earthquake, shook my computer around and slammed it shut. C'mon guys! You didn't really think I was going to start dating that guy did you? Yeah right. I like my men like I like my communion wine.... Real.

Until Next Time......

3 Of My Favorite Movies About Online Dating

1). "You've Got Mail"

          I can't help it! I adore the Tom/Meg combo. This movie always makes me cry and I adore it!

2). Must Love Dogs

              Who can resist the Cusack? Seriously.

3). Napoleon Dynamite

           Kip and Lafawnduh forever.

Love Always, 

    The girl who got hit on by a with the screen name ButtHunter... sheesh.