The Road To Make-up Sex: How To Get Out Of The "I Forgot Valentine's Day" Doghouse

You’ve just spent a week or so on the couch because you forgot about Valentine’s Day weekend! How do you feel? Well, if your answer was anything close to “Kinda like a douche” then, this is the right post for you!

For many of us, Valentine’s Day is just a cute little holiday with hearts, candies and red balloons. Others feel that V-Day is a worthless celebration created by candy companies to mock the single and bleed the wallets of the committed. But, for a select few, Valentine’s Day demands extra love, grand romantic gestures and memorable words. If you are dating, married to or shacked up with one of those people, forgetting February 14^th is a BIG no-no, honey. It will do nothing but earn you a one way ticket out of Snuggletown and snippy, clip conversations.

Not to worry, my dear! I am going to show you how to create the ultimate “Please forgive me” date by using your darling’s favorite big screen romances. We all have a favorite movie romance. Now here’s your chance to use it against them! By following a few simply instructions, you can make up for your insolence and give them the most romantic experience of their lives! Now, lets get started.

 

Dirty Dancing

This one should be a no brainer. The solution to another sleepless night on the couch lies in a bit of rump shaking. Get your baby out of the corner and on to the dance floor. Don’t like to dance? Well, tough titty, kid! Getting your P. Swayze on may be your only redemption.

New York Date: Bembe Nightlife and Lounge (www.bembe.us)

Show your darling that your hips indeed, don’t lie at the sexiest club in Brooklyn. This place ain’t no twerkfest, people. We’re talking passionate dancing, hypnotic rhythms, and warm, flavorful music. After a night here, you’ll be the Don Juan or Aphrodite of your lover’s eyes once again.

Jerry Maguire

A romantic comedy, cleverly disguised as a sports movie. With lines like “You complete me” and “You had me at hello”, it’s easy to see how this movie caused hearts all over the world to go “pitter-patter”. So, take the hand of your paramour and mosey on over to the nearest sports venue. A little chanting and team spirit will set your wrongs to right.  Put your arm around that love of yours, sneak some kisses and go for a touchdown of your own. Nobody’s throwing a flag on this play.

New York Date: Madison Square Garden

If you like it, put a foam finger on it. Alcohol, junk food and the New York Knickerbokers will guarantee you an amazing date. Want to exceed expectations? See if you can slip someone an Abraham Lincoln to get you and your main boo-boo on that “Kiss Cam”. All will be forgiven.

Pretty Woman

I hope you like credit card bills because dropping plastic is the golden shovel that will dig you out of this hole. Give your honey the makeover of their dreams! Now, no giving them your card and then splitting. You are going to have to be there for this event, start to finish. Give opinions. Smile. Act like you are having a ball.  Yes, you’ll be crying on the inside but, it’s better than crying because you’ve been denied nookie access.

New York Date: Shopping/Paul Revere/The Met

Help your sweety relive the most popular scene in the movie with a full blown shopping spree. 5th Ave or Target, it doesn't matter! Take them somewhere and dress them up in more than just your love. 

Next, have them change into your hard earned money and head on over to the romantic West Village restaurant, One If By Land, Two If By Sea. Delicious food, roses, long stem candles... Yep, you are totally getting some later. But, just incase, lets put the cherry on top of this sundae. End your date by seeing a wonderful show at the beautiful Metropolitan Opera House. The scenery alone will take their breath away. Then, just sit back, relax and have someone sing you a story in a language you probably don't understand for a couple of hours. Just like Richard Gere, you'll be showing your love that they are more than just a simple hooker. 

The Notebook

He built her a house. Do you hear me? He. Built. Her. A. House. You’ve got some work to do my friend. You are going to have to find Nicholas Sparks in your heart and whip out some serious “I’ll die without you” type business. Give your baby the gift of memories and dreams. Build them a home just like that ol’ pimp Noah did for his one and only.  I’m assuming that most of you don’t really possess the funds to build a two story house in Brooklyn. Don’t worry I got the answer you need…

New York Date: Ikea

Yes, you read that right. Look your honey in the eyes and say “Baby, let’s ride off into the sunset and straight into the nearest Ikea. Daddy’s gonna build you a home. “ Walk around, hold hands, pick things out together.  Not yours, not mine, ours. Ours. That’s the key word that’s going to get you kisses. Build your home with things you both love. Not living with your person yet? That’s ok. Nothing says romance like whispers of the future. Plop yourself down in your dream model flat and serenade with hopes of “one day, maybe’s”.  Bonus: Ikea actually has a restaurant in it and the food ain’t half bad.

Sleepless in Seattle / You’ve Got Mail

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan really did a number on us in the 90’s. Hell, I’m tearing up just writing about them. If your love likes one of these movies, chances are they love the other. This is your chance to combine the two films and hit them in the face with pure love. TKO. The credits for both these Nora Ephron classics should read “Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan and New York.  The city plays a romantic third character that helps to bring both the leads together. So become the romantic, compassionate, smooth beast that Nora Ephron lead us to believe you can be! Woo your sugar with the perfect Big Apple date night.

New York Date: Letters/Dinner/Sightseeing

There are three essential components to this date: Love letters, a romantic dinner and a trip to the top of the Empire State building.

Phase 1: Love Letters

Ok so, you messed up. Emails are not going to get you forgiveness. Nope, you are going to have to go "Old School Playa" with hand written letters. Seduce your lovers affections using words. Compliment them, intrigue them, let them know that you notice everything about what they do and who they are. I'm talking Shakespeare sonnets. If you write anything that resembles "You Remind Me of My Jeep", may God strike you down (Congratulations! You just survived an R. Kelly reference). Leave the letters everywhere they can find them and wait for the magic to happen. If you really want to turn the heat up, I suggest making one of those letters dirty. Awwww yeah. Give your baby the scandalous who, what, when, where, why and how of your dirty plans for them. Make sure they never forget the true meaning of hot and bothered. Now, if you're not really good at expressing your "Dirrty" through words, you should probably phone a friend or something for help. Nothing kills the mood more than a bunch of bush league dirty talk. You want to be the J.K. Rowling of smut, not the Stephanie Meyer.

Phase 2: Romantic Dinner

You've wooed your honey with words, now woo them with charm. In one of your letters, invite your someone to meet you for a romantic dinner. Make sure to tell them that you’ll be the one with the rose in your book. Trust me, if they’ve seen the movie, they’ll get it. Now here's your chance to have a little role play fun. Act like this is your first date. Rekindle that mystery and fun that you had at the beginning. A little conversation and flirtation will be just what you need before entering phase 3. 

Phase 3: Empire State Building

Now that you’re both horny and well fed, jump into the world of “Sleepless in Seattle”. End your beautiful night on top of the Empire State Building.  The lights, the views, the history… this building screams amore. Bonus points if you can get to the top by sunset. It's an amazing sight. Snuggle up and enjoy the beautiful city below. Before you leave, take your lover's hand and say the words "Shall we?" (Its in the movie! They will get it) and give them one heart stopping kiss on the most romantic building in NYC. And that my friend, will be a wrap.

There you go! 5 wonderful dates based on 5 romantic classics. So, go ahead and choose your own adventure. You forgetting Valentine’s Day will be but a distant memory. Next year, try to pay attention when you start seeing heart balloons and teddy bears everywhere. Seriously, they give you around a month’s worth of heads up. Sheesh.

MURRAIED

It's official! I've traded in my sassy Nordstrom's Rack shoes in for the snug warmth of my snow boots. There's been at least 1 snow storm a week since 2014 made it's grand entrance. I feel like the city is resting inside a giant snow globe that unfortunately, ended up in the hands of hyper 5 year old. Shake shake shake... blizzard. Shake shake shake.... crazy, negative degree winds. Shake shake shake... making your weekly grocery run to Trader Joe's into a deleted scene from the movie "Alive". I'm pretty sure I saw a Yeti when I was walking past Central Park this morning. But, even with all my moan and groans, I have to say that they city looks so beautiful under the blankets of white. Especially those first untouched hours in the morning, when everything's peacefully quiet and the streets belong to you. 


The last few weeks of my life have been a crazy whirlwind. The kind chaotic experience where you constantly forget what day it is and exhaustion becomes your venerated companion. But honestly, I've never been so happy to be so tired. When you end the day doing what you love, thankfulness replaces fatigue. I am incredible thankful. 
I had the pleasure of booking my first role of the year with Time Warner Cable for an exciting Super Bowl event. I put my Disney cheerfulness to use by playing "Tour Guide" to a host of people. 2 weeks of rehearsals and 1 week for showtime. My favorite part of the job were all of my lovely castmates. I was so lucky to work with the best group of people ever. Every single person brought their amazing personalities in to make this experience seem more like a party. I looked forward to seeing them everyday. What can I say, I love making new friends. So if any of them are reading this, I have to say again, I adore each of you. 

Working hard for the money.

Have you ever had one of those days that you can definitely add into your lifetime memory file? One of those amazing WTF moments that gives you just one more fun fact about yourself? Well, that happened to me last week. For some reason, I was just having one of those "pep-in-my-step" days. Work was smooth. My tours were going well. I remember laughing my ass off in the green room with a few of the other actors that morning. My hair was cooperating with life. If you are a fan of deserts, that day was like a warm fudge brownie topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. I got to flirt with an Italian soccer player (go on and add some chocolate syrup to that) and I met Chica & Carly from "The Sunnyside Up Show" on Sprout (put a cherry on top please). It was just a GOOOOD day. Apparently God thought that I needed to add a few sprinkles. :)

My new Boo Christian Vieri. Yeah, he doesn't know that yet but, people like surprises right?

Fox Sports was having an after party that night. They had countless sports figures coming through and Kings of Leon were performing for the 300 or so guests. A few of us were asked to work the event and give tours to the VIPs who wanted it. Well, of course no one really wanted a tour. They wanted to drink and party. So, we were let loose and told we can stay for the concert. While there, I talked with Michael Strahan (my mom flipped out) and tried to get Randy Moss to get an accent nail (my dad flipped out) and had a chance to take pictures with the Vince Lombardi trophy and the Fox Sports robot, Cleatus (They both think I'm officially cool now). Finally, it was time to watch Kings of Leon do their thing. Wow, what an amazing band. They sound so great live. I was already a fan but now, I'm a KOL groupie and proud of it. 

During the performance of "Taper Jean Girl", I heard a crazy "YEAHHHHHHHH!" shout behind me. When I turned around, there was Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad's Jesse) jamming to the music. Also close by was the one, the only, Bill Murray. You guys, I am pretty ok with keeping my cool when around celebrities. I usually just freak out in private. But, I couldn't help it. I started giggling like a school girl. Bill Murray was right there! Throughout the concert, I noticed a heap of celebrities in the house. Ryan Philippe was around. My pre-teen self almost went through puberty again. Rob Thomas was hanging with Aaron Paul and Bill Murray. It took everything I had not to sing "I wanna push you A-round" when I met him. Kevin Bacon was in the house. Sorry guys, I didn't have a chance to ask him to dance angrily with me around a VW Bug. Next time :). I just kept having these moments of "What the hell am I doing here?!" It was insane to me. So I just started dancing and dancing and jamming and being there in that moment with my new friends and loving every second of it. 

Aaron Paul, Bill Murray and Rob Thomas

At the end of the show, I was determined to meet Bill Murray. I mean, this was the actor who's starred in several of my favorite movies. So, I took a deep breath and walked towards him. He turned to look at me just as I was starting to speak. Right away, he droves his hands in my hair and proceeded to muss it up a bit. It was like a kid getting their hands in play dough for the first time. All I could do was stand there with my mouth hanging open in shock. I was being "Murraied" 

Murraied: Stange things that Bill Murray does to the fans he encounters. Usually ending with "Nobody's going to believe you". 

After he was done, he smoothed my hair down a bit and said "You're cute". I asked him to take a picture with me and he happily said "sure". The lights in the place were crazy and blue so, the picture came out a big mess. When I said as much, he looked at it and said "NOOOOO! We look like mythical Gods!" So yeah, didn't get a great picture with him but, WHO CARES! I just met Bill Murray! 

Mythical Gods

So guys, that's it! That's the big story. I had one for the books last week and I couldn't be happier to add another crazy story to this chapter in my life. You gotta love those little moments when you are blessed with times that tell you "You are where you are suppose to be". Sometimes I have them just walking down the streets of NYC. Other times I have them sitting in my favorite coffee shop. This time, I experienced my appreciation at a small Kings of Leon show with my new buddy Bill Murray. I found a gray hair the next day while tidying up my locks. I like to think Bill Murray put it there just for me to remember him by. Or it could be that I'm turning 30 this year..... Naaaaa! It was Bill Murray :).

Until next time....

5 Philip Seymour Hoffman characters that make me smile

Yes, we know that he could deliver an Oscar winning performance. But, the roles that pop in my head when I think about him will always be the ones where he looked like he had a hell of a time filming them. He was an amazing actor. Someone who I would dream of performing with one day. RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman. You were a King in our industry. Thank you. xoxo

1). Dusty from "Twister"
     The role that made me fall in love with PSH! Dusty just looked like a fun character to play.

2). Lester Bangs from "Almost Famous"
      One of my favorite movies, period.

3). Owen Davian "Mission Impossible III"
      Seriously. This character was so creepy. He reminded me of a Bond villain. I'd never seen him play such a souless character before. Loved it.

4). The Count "Pirate Radio"
       I love this movie! Loved this character. Philip Seymour Hoffman and movies about great music go together perfectly

5). Sandy Lyle "Along Came Polly"
     The throat clearing scene may have been one of the times where me and my coca cola did a spit take. 

Love Always, 

The girl who loves the movie "Groundhog Day"

Happy New Year... There's Poop On Your Sleeve

Ok, let me set the scene for you. Imagine you are strolling around NYC listening to Celine Dion's greatest hits. You're just wandering, minding your own beeswax when all of a sudden you come across an argument in the middle of a side walk. And, this isn't just any old argument. This is the type of spectacle that attracts a crowd with the future promise of Po-po and flashing lights.

So, lady (and I use that term loosely) #1 and lady #2 are fighting over the sad male figure standing in the middle. I'm pretty sure his name is Lexington (because that's all the "ladies" kept shouting... "Lexington is mine!" "F*ck you ho! You don't know nothin' bout me and Lexington!") Business started getting real when lady #2 threw her boot at lady #1, hitting Lexington in the process. Now keep in mind that all of this was going on while the melancholy sounds of "My Heart Will Go On"  floats through my earbuds. "I will f*ck you up b*tch!"........ "Near, far... wherever you are"..........."Well bring it then! C'mon b*tch!".............. "You are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and oooooonnnnnnnnnnnn." As I turned to walk away from the fight club I couldn't help but think... "Welcome back to New York Makia!" *Sigh* It's good to be home.

2014!!! I don't know about you but, I'm super excited. There's just something so amazing about entering a new year. It's like starting a new novel. A 365 page mysterious adventure. Yeah, you know the basic plot points but the twists and turns and memorable phrases are still ahead, waiting to be read. I spent most 2013's final days eagerly awaiting the approach of January.  2013 was such an interesting year for me. It was equally and difficult as it was amazing. I made new friends, got an agent, had a crush, laugh till I cried and cried until I couldn't do anything but laugh. I encountered both life's treasures and tests. Some tests I passed with flying colors and others I had to fail a few times before learning. I felt the heartache of rejection and the soaring feeling of acceptance. It was... quiet a year. One that I will look back on fondly. But, I also feel like it was preparing me for something. Maybe one day when someone looks to me for advice about going through hard times, I can tell them "You will make it." I can give them advice based off of experience and not just my unbroken optimism. Who knows. Who indeed knows. 

This week, I was asked to imagine myself as an old lady on a mountain top. Peaceful and calm and looking back on her life. What would she say to me? What advice would she give me about going into 2014? The first thing I immediately noticed about my future old lady self was hope at peaceful. The second thing I noticed was that my old lady self was a true smart ass and she was A-ok with that. She pretty much laughed at my present 29 year old self, shaking her head like "Kid, it's all going to be a grand adventure. One day, you'll be me, hanging on a mountain top, listening to Fleetwood Mac, sipping on spirits and relaxing. I loved this visual exercise and I think it's something that will stay with me. A kind of "What Would Old Lady You Do?" I've already asked myself that a few times this week. Apparently, old lady me is as fearless as gladiator with a mouth like a pirate and a heart big enough to love the world. That's what I eventually want to get to. So, looking at things from that perspective has me gearing up for all kinds of leaps this year. 

Right now, my old lady self is giving me advice on how to survive the snowy, cold winter of NYC. Seriously. I'm pretty sure God gave me a break my first couple of NYC winters. They were like a lovely summer's day compared to this polar explosion. I'm not sure i've ever experienced -20 degree weather. Sadly, I can now mark that off the bucket list. So, what does old lady Kiki have to say about getting through the cold, Big Apple winter? So glad you asked!

6 Tips For Surviving Mr. Freezes Attack On NYC

1). Who care's how cute your outfit is! Bundle up you foul fool!! Nobody likes frostbite of the ass!

        -Seriously. It's cold out. Stop with all this tiny jacket nonsense when you got out at night. Everyone will be able to see you righteous ensemble when you get in the bar, ok? Outside the bar, everyone is just too busy trying to avoid frozen eyeballs.

2). Jack Frost is a tease. Jack Daniels is the one who will keep you warm tonight. But don't have to much of JD either or he'll become a real headache.

           -Hot Toddy. Say it with me everyone.... Hot Toddy.

3). When life gives you snow... make a snow angel

             -Busting you fanny can be a bit of a drag. But, don't be embarrassed! Everyone wipes out at least once in NYC right. So, if you happen to fall in the snow, why not take advantage on your horizontalness. Make a snow angel! That way your annoying situation can make you and someone else smile. Or, if you are a real boss, you can play off your fall as a "I meant to do that" type thing. 

4). Tip your delivery guy!!! 

             If you are going to order food in this crazy cold weather, tip the delivery guy! And make it a good tip!! Don't be lazy and cheap at the same time ok? Now if you have a reason (it was late, the order was wrong) ok... understandable. But if everything runs smoothly and that person is bringing you sesame chicken during a blizzard.... They have a frozen nose! The least you can do is give them a decent tip. You don't want that special place in Hell reserved for you... do you?

5). Leave earlier. You may not have a spot on the subway car the first go around. 

         -Morning traffic on the subway is already a comedy. You usually end up smushed next to someone you don't know, counting down the stops until you can get off. The winter is no different and has the added bonus of winter gear involved. You think it's hard to get on a crowded train now, imagine all those people wearing 3 times the clothes along with a huge sleeping bag like coat on top. You remember Ralphie's brother on "A Christmas Story"? Yeah, a train full of people, no one can put their arms down. So just leave a little earlier. That way you won't be late and pissed off if you miss a train.

6). Pay attention to what lies beneath the surface.

            -So, in the spirit of taking my old lady's advice, I happily made a snow angel in the park the other day. When I got up, I saw that my pretty angel wing was smeared with brown. I then, with fear and trepidation, looked at my sleeve and noticed a half frozen log of poop stuck to it. Snow angel : FAIL. So, what can we learn from this kids? If you are going to play in the snow remember that there could be dog doodie under the beautiful blanket of white winter wonderland. My ultimate fear is that it didn't come from a dog. *Sigh* but we won't think about that right now.

Bonus tip: Donate, donate, donate!!!!

     - If you are able to give, there are amazing coat and blanket drives out there. I am so thankful that I have a place that's warm to go home to. Other's don't. Giving an old coat or blanket may not seem like the answer but, it's a start. It can help. So, look up local drives and try to give if you can. Sorry if this is preachy. 

Ok kids! I hope you guys had an amazing holiday and that you all are enjoying the New Year. I hope that 2014 brings you great happiness and gives you heartfelt memories. I can't wait to discover all the things that this year gifts you with. If you have any aspirations for the coming year send me a message. I will make sure to keep you in my prayers and wishes :). Until next time.......


Love always,
    The girl who's on a journey

Cool Runnings

So, yesterday, I got up early and took a relaxing morning stroll around my little haven of Brooklyn. Mmmm... the romantic fall chill, the warm cup of Earl Grey in my hand, the sounds of Fleetwood Mac  flowing out of my ear buds. I was perfectly content. My easy morning strut was rudely interrupted by a flash of highlighter yellow shorts and heavy breathing barrelling around the corner and ramming into yours truly. Nothing says "Good Morning" like looking up at someone from the flat of your now sore keister. And what do I get for my troubles? The guy shouts a "My bad!" as he jogs backwards into the morning fog. *Sigh* I blame the New York Marathon.

I've seen more runners around my neighborhood in the last two days than I've seen in the last 2 months. Honestly, I can't blame them. Who wouldn't be motivated by the amazing site that was the NYC Marathon on Sunday. I don't think I was prepared for all of the overwhelming emotions that rushed over me while I watched those magnificent gladiators fulfill a dream. 

It's just a bunch of people running, right? Not to me. To me, those people represented possibility. 

I've never been a runner. In gym class, I considered it a personal torture to complete the mile run requirement. While others completed the task in no time and spent the rest of the class chilling on the bleachers and gossiping, I stubbornly took the entire period to finish the four laps around the track. I'm pretty sure I feigned the plague on several of those "Fitness Test" days. Can't we just play dodge ball and forget this whole mile run business? 

Now, I've began to look at joggers with a kind of curious fascination. Once you get past the sweat soaked clothing and huffy breathing, they look so relaxed and patient and... healthy. A while back, I attempted to start my relationship with jogging but, ended up kicking it to the curb for other more glamorous forms of exercise like kickboxing and zumba. Watching and cheering on the runners changed that for me. Somewhere in the middle of all the "Whoooo!" and shouting "You rock" and singing along to the Tom Petty songs playing out of a sidewalk stereo, I began to believe that maybe, just maybe I could add a Marathon to my bucket list. I know right! The girl who would have flung poo at the idea of completing a mile wants to tackle 26.2 of them. Nuts! I mean, anything can be done with time and dedication right? So, I am going to start slow. Work my way back up. For now, my mountain is a simple mile. I have to get through that without crying and cursing the world. Then, after I do that, I have to keep going. This will be the hard part, sticking with it. 

Weight loss, oh weight loss. You are a sadistic bitch, rivaling even the most ruthless Betty Davis character. My weight has been going through a long (seemingly endless) period of uncertainly. Like the piedmont, my scale shows a gently rolling hill of numbers. Up, down. Slightly up. Plateau... down. Back up. It's been interesting. But, that scale is getting a little bit closer to 200. That makes me happy. It makes it all worth it. When I finally hit below that 200 mark, look out because I am jumping on the nearest person. Annnnd I want to be carried. Carried like a princess, haha. I'm getting there. I'll be there soon. I haven't seen the 100's since I was in middle school. I still have a long way to go but, my car is chuggin' down that road. Even if I happen to have a flat tire at the moment. 

I've been fooling around with a few recipes lately and decided to share one with you guys. It was so simple and makes my morning a lot easier. I'm not sure about you guys but, I don't really like to take a lot of time to fix breakfast on weekday mornings. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you.....

Egg White Bites

So good, they make you wanna say...............     

Ingredients needed: 

Carton of egg whites

Mini-muffin or muffin tin

Olive oil cooking spray

Your favorite vegetables 

Your favorite spices 

(MIA: Carton of egg whites. Looks like a milk carton but, filled with egg whites. Boom.)

1). Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Spray each muffin tin with olive oil cooking spray so it lightly coats the bottom

2). Add your favorite diced vegetables!

3). Fill each muffin tin with egg whites. 

4). Lastly, sprinkle the tops with some ground black pepper (or any spices that make you seriously excited) for a little flavor. 

5). Toss them in the oven! 

The mini muffin tins took about 10 minutes. If you are using regular sized muffin tins, let them cook for about 20 minutes. Once they are cooled, enjoy! Add extra toppings like salsa or avacado for maximum BAMFness.

 

And that's it. You can refrigerate what's left over. They last for a couple of days. You have a yummy breakfast in the morning that you can heat up and go. Add a bowl of fruit or yogurt to the meal and BAM! You're basically eating like a king :). Plus, when you are done, you can take an unnecessary selfie of you enjoying your creation!

Alright guys! Hope you enjoy. If you try out the egg white bites, let me know what you think!! Until next time......

Love Always, 

   The girl who completed a mile around the track today :) 

S.ugar H.oney I.ced T.ea

This just in: Today I, Makia Janine Martin, had the absolute WORST audition that I have EVER had in my entire acting life. This was the kind of spectacular failure that I imagine ending with a person on their knees with hands thrusting up towards the sky as they shout "WHY GOD!? WHHHYYYYYY?!" The kind of hideous scene worthy of a slow motion movie moment. People shaking their heads lazily... a person saying "Nooooooo" in that deep, warped slow voice. I was an active participant in this crime ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I plead "Guilty". My sentence handed down to me in the form of an awkward silence, followed by a "Thank you Makia. We'll let you know." So, here I am, half a Guinness later (a Guinness and a half), able to tell you the tale. 

Yesterday, I was invited to come and audition for "Porgy and Bess". For those of you who don't know, "Porgy and Bess" is a George Gershwin opera first performed in 1935. It's also responsible for classics like the song "Summertime". I mean,  I was pretty excited. That is, until I realized that the song I would be auditioning with was "My Man Is Gone Now" and composed in the key "Dog Whistle". I actually broke out into a hysterical laughter when I listened to my audition piece. My mezzo-soprano range was not even ready for the "business time" that was this song's pitch". But, as an actress, when you get an audition you pull yourself together, prepare and go in there ready to blow them away. So, I prepared. I prepared all night until I literally fell asleep on my sheet music. The next day, I was ready and confident. I walked to that audition with a pep in my step and a smirk on my face. These people had no idea what kind of Goddess they were about to encounter. I was pretty much in Annette Benning "I will sell this house today." mode.

You bet your sweet ass I'm gonna sang

So, I planned to sing the song in a pitch that was perfect for me. What the hell, right? If I was gonna sing this song, I was gonna do it in a way that made me feel proud. Not even the broad that went in before me (who, I might add, sounded like The Phantom of The Opera was her granddaddy) could make me regret this decision. So... I walked in, headshot in hand and victory in my heart. As soon as the first note left my mouth, the casting director stopped me and said "No. That's too low. Can you sing it in this key?" The piano accompanist happily played the key for me, pressing it several times as if mocking my attempt. I gave it a shot but, but the only sound that came out was "irate cat".

"No, I'm sorry but, I'm not able to hit that note" I said. *Sigh* "Ok," said the casting director. "Do you have anything else you could sing?" Now, I got really excited about this. With me, I had the sheet music for "When You're Good To Mama" from "Chicago". A song, that I've sung so many times, I could nail it in my sleep. I ran it over to the accompanist and took center stage, and readied myself to burn this place down.

 
And off I went, singing my sassy little song. 5 seconds in, I could already tell that the casting director was NOT interested. He started yawning and making a few quiet comments to the people beside him. They already knew that I wasn't what they wanted but, they let me finish the song just to be nice. My decision? The hell you will. I will blow this last note out of the sky. They won't even see it coming. And well... blew that note I did. Blew it out like an old tire. Right there in the middle of my grand finale, my voice cracked. Like, "young boy going through puberty" cracked. After I finished, we all sat there in silence. They just stared at me and I stared back with an expression battling between fake confidence and mortification. Not even my mother would have applauded that monstrosity. And if she did, it would only be because she thought I looked pretty.

They gave me the "Don't call us, we'll call you" spiel and I power walked out of there with my Disney smile still in place. As soon as the elevator doors closed behind me, I stared at my reflection in the metal and burst into laughter. Are you serious? What in the unsatisfying F*CK just happened in there?

So yeah, here I am in all my PTSD glory. What surprises me the most is how comical I find the situation. I thought a bad audition like that would leave me licking my wounds and afraid to ever step in an audition room again. But, it didn't. I left motivated and excited. I had new things to work on and I wanted to improve them. Its amazing how many situations we think will knock us down for the count. Yet, we make it through. Of course this is the original point for this blog posting.

You, me, all of us... this gathering of souls trying to find absolute fulfillment on this earth are perfectly capable of surviving through failures. We get back up, learn from it and push on. I've seen it happen time and time again. Never be afraid to fail spectacularly. I'm talking in all aspects of your life, from career to love. I know this is a "Duh" motivational speech that we've heard all our lives from cheesy after school specials. But, you can always hear it again. Anyhoo, my "The More You Know" moment is over. I just wanted to give a little encouragement to all you Rocky Balboa's out there. No Fear. Well, maybe a little fear but, that's kind of part of the fun isn't it?

Until Next Time......

4 Scenes That Describe My Audition

1). How I walked in to the audition...

2). During the audition.... All's well until...

3). How I left the audition....

 

 

4). After the audition......

Love Always,
     The Girl Who's ready for another audition. (Bring it on)

Summer Roast

You say September. I say... ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Is it already September? I'm really going to start referring to year 2013 as "Bolt" because this sucka is flying by like it's running for gold. It seems like just yesterday I was walking around Manhattan with a dewy sheen to my skin and puffy hair, courtesy of nature's red headed step child, humidity. Today, I stepped outside my apartment and immediately felt the icy tingles in my throat while breathing in the first chilly signs of Fall. 

Mmmm... Fall. Pumpkins, cinnamon, Halloween, the romance of the ever changing leaves falling around you in jewel toned showers. But, I'm not really gonna get into all that. This blog post is not about dear ol' Autumn. This post is a proper "How I spent my Summer vacation". An acknowledgement of all that Summer has given me this year, good and bad. A sort of... roast! So, sit back in your throne Summer and let me give 3 cheers and a few jeers to sweltering months and hazy memories you've selflessly gifted to the human race.

The Noodle Throne invites you to reminisce on the days of Summer's past

You know you're singing this song right now

Summer memories always flash through my mind in a blur of hot sunny days, the rush of jumping into cool water, music festivals, private jokes, sweaty beers, ice cream cones, grilled foods, heavy rain, singing into your fan, sand drawings, lustful travels, bad movies, good books and all the lazy daydreams a person can muster. There's a certain magical spark about that time of year. Maybe its the fact that the Summer caress runs on a ticking timer. We only have 

a set number of days per year of seemingly endless daylight hours and balmy nights. Everything is so important and new and the words "Now! Here! Capture!" seem to enchant us. Our inhibitions disappear and the careless freedoms of our youth seem to vanquish our resolve. Summer truly is the "carpe diem" of all the four seasons. Too much? Haha. Well, maybe. Maybe its just me." I always feel the desire to experience at least one perfect Summer moment. One moment worthy of a good screenplay or a "When I was your age..." story that I'm sure to tell in my "old lady and her rocking chair" days.

The word for my Summer was definitely "Introspective". I spent most of my time in a state of constant arrangement. Planning my next moves. Prepping the plans for my next moves. Don't get me wrong. I did a lot. I hit pretty much every topic in my list of the perfect Summer. But most of my summer was spent in thought. Plus, for some reason my body decided to that it cared very little about Summer days. I became a child of the moon. My eyes refused to give in to sleep until closer to dawn. Most of my late nights were spent on the roof, writing, star gazing (at what little stars you can see in the city) and listening to music. By the end of August, most of my plans catapulted straight towards action. I think I needed that. That peaceful focus. 

When I wasn't a round, brown lump on a roof, my need to seize and conquer the moment lead me to various outdoor movies, exhibits, leisurely long walks and enough amazing company and laughs to add another smile line to my face. And of course, Summer wouldn't be complete without at least 1 nostalgic concert. I had the pleasure of seeing the amazingly brilliant Beck live and in charge. You don't need me to tell you that the concert blew my socks off. It was perfection. 

This Pimp right here

By the time day gave way to night, Beck was almost done with his set. He started performing a song I've never really paid attention to before. It was a slow, hypnotizing melody. It was then, with the sweat clinging to me and blue lights shinning on the crowd that I experienced my perfect summer moment. It just felt like a calm electric current. I threw my arms up and just enjoyed the sway of the crowd and the timbre of his voice. I was just so happy to be there, in that spot, at that very second. Not even the drunk girl bouncing behind me shouting "YOLO" could take the feeling away. You know the feeling. We've all had it. We all go through life chasing that feeling like a drug. Its the feeling of being perfectly content and happy in the moment you are in. Sometimes our minds are moving a little too fast to experience it. But, when you do... bangerang.

Warning!! Warning!! This tiny section of the blog was written by an irritated woman, during a heatwave, before her air conditioner was installed.

While internally, I'm thanking Summer for it's leisurely attitude, externally, I could honestly give this season the biggest stink eye on the planet. I hate being HOT! If it involves and umbrella, a beach, a breeze, the Mai-est of Tai, and a good book... I'm all for it. But, I'm not for the sun baking me like a cookie while I'm waiting to cross 34th street. I'm definitely not a fan of muggy and honestly, humidity can lock it up!  During the Summer months, I walk around the city looking like I just came from a fresh obstacle course. At least with cold weather, I can layer up. Not the same with hot weather. There's only so many layers of clothing you can remove before you become a disturber of the peace. Plus, going to jail for public nudity and/or cooling off in the Lincoln Center fountain just doesn't sound like fun. Have you seen "Orange Is The New Black"? Yeah... definitely staying away from crime. You'd think I'd be use to it by now, being a "Southern lady" and all. NOPE. Strolling around here during a heat wave is on another level. It's like the devil's hands are playing a childish game of "I'm not touching you! Not touching you!" with the Earth. Sheesh. 

I feel this girl's pain.... preach sista soldier.

And now it's time to say goodbye to longer days and shorter nights....

I'm sitting on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art listening to a man playing captivating tunes on his saxophone. Its just so... New York. And I adore it. The night is chilly. It kind of makes me wish I'd brought a cardigan with me but, oh well, I welcome the goosebumps. This is how it's going to be now. Sure, we'll have a few hot days but, they are dwindling. Summer's bowing out. The electricity in the air is turning into an idyllic meander that comes with Autumn. It's been a good season. So, what about you guys? Did you have a good Summer? I certainly hope that you did. I mean, we only get 1 Summer 2013. If you didn't seize it, you have a few weeks left to remedy that. :)

Until Next Time....

5 Songs In My Summer Closet....

1). Year 2010 - Lady Gaga - Alejandro

2). Year 2001- Eve Ft. Gwen Stefani - Let Me Blow Your Mind

3). Year 1997 - Spice Girls - Say You'll Be There

4) Year 1991 - Bryan Adams - Everything I Do (I Do It For You)   (Don't you dare judge me!)

5). Year 1985 - Phil Collins - Sussudio 

Love Always, 

    The girl who sometimes, misses the sounds of a country Summer night.