There's nothing more terrifying than a hungry obese chick longing for a chocolate cake. When approaching this creature, proceed with caution and avoid eye contact if possible. Your life is a stake... because all she wants is a steak, with mashed potatoes and creamy gravy and a couple of buttered biscuits with a glass of wine and apple pie for desert. Mmmmm... *sigh*... (Insert angry scream here).
Seriously.... It's been a really bad day for the food addict. I've confined myself to my apartment for the day, because when I woke up this morning, I felt.. weak. I felt that if I were to go out today, I would not be able to refuse unhealthy options. When I declared this war on my weight, I knew that it would be hard but... man, it's really getting difficult. In the beginning, I was riding on a wave of motivation and thoughts of me, one day, in a two piece or flirting with a foxy guy while wearing a sexy dress and heels or bending over to pick up something from the floor without holding my breath. When the holidays came around, I allowed myself to indulge in sweets and eggnog and alcohol and it was ok... because I still felt in control. Now, its a new year and I'm back in NYC and instead of getting a boost from the promise of a new start, I've entered the "withdrawal" phase of my weight loss. Welcome to The Suck.
I wanted my first post of 2012 to be uplifting and enlightening. I wanted to discuss simple things like... my thoughts on the movie "Young Adult" or the fashions of this year's Golden Globes (Emma Stone... your dress was 'Bout it... yes, I went there). But, I've decided to share with you the truth: Weight loss is STUPID!
Ok, ok... it's not always that bad. It just feels that bad at the moment. When studying the effects of drug withdrawal in my high school health class, I never thought that the bullet points beside the picture of the the person sweating, shaking and crying in a corner would apply to me. But, here I am, feeling like I'm about to cry every time I see commercial for Applebee's on hulu. If I were in a movie, I'm sure me pressing my nose against the window at Crumbs bakery would be funny... right now, it's simply frustrating. I've gone all my life pretty much eating what ever I wanted. Now, this abrupt stop to eating habits of mine has kinda made me a bit loony over the last couple of days. I've been told by alot of people, "this is the hard part"... "this is the part you have to fight through"... "after that, things are easier". I know that they are right and I know that I can win the war... I just have to conquer this battle. I never knew how much I depended on certain foods until this moment. It's kind of shocking really.
My workout routines have also hit a bit of a snag. At the beginning of January, I decided that by the summer , I would run a 5k. That might not seem like much to some, but to me... it would be an extraordinary accomplishment. Training myself to run has been hard. I've been getting tired so easily and struggling with keeping a good pace. I know its just the beginning, but, it's just a kick in the face to get so winded after only jogging a minute.
And, to be honest, I haven't really be helping the situation. My thoughts have starting following my urges. Instead of lifting myself up, I've been kinda down on myself lately. Which is why I wanted to write this blog. Its therapeutic to share how hard this is. This is the point where I usually quit. I've told you, I have tried to loose weight and get healthy several times. When I hit this point I would tell myself, "Oh, go ahead and order a pizza... you can start back tomorrow" or "Don't go workout today.. you can go tomorrow". I would just get stuck. Well, I promise that this time is different. I'm not going to fall back into my old ways. Even though things at the moment seem as if I won't get past it... I know that I can. I also know that I wouldn't actually give my left boob for a platter of Chick-Fil-A nuggets.. so, I should probably stop saying that :).
"Loving you, is easy cause you're beautiful...."
This blog is gonna be kinda short, I just wanted to let everyone in on my "misery" at the moment, haha. I also wanted to say thank you to my friends and family who continue to motivate me during this journey. You guys are my fuel. I can do this... I can do this... I can do this.... I'm just waiting on my body and mind to catch up with my heart. Until next time folks....
3 Blogs That Really Motivate Me...
1). Runs For Cookies
This 29 year old went on a mission to lose over 100 pounds. 16 months later she was 125 pounds lighter.
http://www.runsforcookies.com/
2). A New Beginning: My Journey To Avoid The Knife
I love this blog. She lost over 100 pounds and is currently documenting her journey to tone and avoid a tummy tuck. She give great pointers and revelations.
3). My fitspiration
Olivia, season 11 Biggest Loser and Hannah, runner up are wonderful. They started out near my size and I was able to watch the through the process.
Olivia
Hannah
Love Always,
The girl who will be 80-100lbs less in a year.
