A Lovely Puzzle: October 2013

This just in: Today I, Makia Janine Martin, had the absolute WORST audition that I have EVER had in my entire acting life. This was the kind of spectacular failure that I imagine ending with a person on their knees with hands thrusting up towards the sky as they shout "WHY GOD!? WHHHYYYYYY?!" The kind of hideous scene worthy of a slow motion movie moment. People shaking their heads lazily... a person saying "Nooooooo" in that deep, warped slow voice. I was an active participant in this crime ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I plead "Guilty". My sentence handed down to me in the form of an awkward silence, followed by a "Thank you Makia. We'll let you know." So, here I am, half a Guinness later (a Guinness and a half), able to tell you the tale.

Yesterday, I was invited to come and audition for "Porgy and Bess". For those of you who don't know, "Porgy and Bess" is a George Gershwin opera first performed in 1935. It's also responsible for classics like the song "Summertime". I mean, I was pretty excited. That is, until I realized that the song I would be auditioning with was "My Man Is Gone Now" and composed in the key "Dog Whistle". I actually broke out into a hysterical laughter when I listened to my audition piece. My mezzo-soprano range was not even ready for the "business time" that was this song's pitch". But, as an actress, when you get an audition you pull yourself together, prepare and go in there ready to blow them away. So, I prepared. I prepared all night until I literally fell asleep on my sheet music. The next day, I was ready and confident. I walked to that audition with a pep in my step and a smirk on my face. These people had no idea what kind of Goddess they were about to encounter. I was pretty much in Annette Benning "I will sell this house today." mode.

You bet your sweet ass I'm gonna sang

So, I planned to sing the song in a pitch that was perfect for me. What the hell, right? If I was gonna sing this song, I was gonna do it in a way that made me feel proud. Not even the broad that went in before me (who, I might add, sounded like The Phantom of The Opera was her granddaddy) could make me regret this decision. So... I walked in, headshot in hand and victory in my heart. As soon as the first note left my mouth, the casting director stopped me and said "No. That's too low. Can you sing it in this key?" The piano accompanist happily played the key for me, pressing it several times as if mocking my attempt. I gave it a shot but, but the only sound that came out was "irate cat".

"No, I'm sorry but, I'm not able to hit that note" I said. *Sigh* "Ok," said the casting director. "Do you have anything else you could sing?" Now, I got really excited about this. With me, I had the sheet music for "When You're Good To Mama" from "Chicago". A song, that I've sung so many times, I could nail it in my sleep. I ran it over to the accompanist and took center stage, and readied myself to burn this place down.

And off I went, singing my sassy little song. 5 seconds in, I could already tell that the casting director was NOT interested. He started yawning and making a few quiet comments to the people beside him. They already knew that I wasn't what they wanted but, they let me finish the song just to be nice. My decision? The hell you will. I will blow this last note out of the sky. They won't even see it coming. And well... blew that note I did. Blew it out like an old tire. Right there in the middle of my grand finale, my voice cracked. Like, "young boy going through puberty" cracked. After I finished, we all sat there in silence. They just stared at me and I stared back with an expression battling between fake confidence and mortification. Not even my mother would have applauded that monstrosity. And if she did, it would only be because she thought I looked pretty.

They gave me the "Don't call us, we'll call you" spiel and I power walked out of there with my Disney smile still in place. As soon as the elevator doors closed behind me, I stared at my reflection in the metal and burst into laughter. Are you serious? What in the unsatisfying F*CK just happened in there?

So yeah, here I am in all my PTSD glory. What surprises me the most is how comical I find the situation. I thought a bad audition like that would leave me licking my wounds and afraid to ever step in an audition room again. But, it didn't. I left motivated and excited. I had new things to work on and I wanted to improve them. Its amazing how many situations we think will knock us down for the count. Yet, we make it through. Of course this is the original point for this blog posting.

You, me, all of us... this gathering of souls trying to find absolute fulfillment on this earth are perfectly capable of surviving through failures. We get back up, learn from it and push on. I've seen it happen time and time again. Never be afraid to fail spectacularly. I'm talking in all aspects of your life, from career to love. I know this is a "Duh" motivational speech that we've heard all our lives from cheesy after school specials. But, you can always hear it again. Anyhoo, my "The More You Know" moment is over. I just wanted to give a little encouragement to all you Rocky Balboa's out there. No Fear. Well, maybe a little fear but, that's kind of part of the fun isn't it?

Until Next Time......

4 Scenes That Describe My Audition

1). How I walked in to the audition...