Shoping Rant: The Devil Wears Prada But, I Can't.... Yeah, that's fair (Pssh)

Do you smell that? The pungent order of lighter fluid and charcoal caressing the air? That was a constant invasion to my nose over the Memorial Day weekend. Any given second, you could walk down the street and here several genres of music blasting out of open windows with the electricity of an anticipated gathering humming around you. The "Summer time" train is slowly chuggin' it's way into spring and (or so it seems) dragging the equator along with it. It is HOT! Strutting to the train 3 blocks away is now a sure-fire way to end up with a sheen of sweat all over me. The sigh of relief I feel every time I enter a place equipped with central air reminds me of a task that I've been putting off for the last few months: The need to buy a pair of shorts.

Torture. How can I make you understand? Sometimes, shopping for me is like preparing for battle. You have to be emotionally and physically ready to find a simple pair of jeans. Don't get me wrong. I love clothes. If there was a way to legally marry an Elie Saab gown, you guys would be receiving a Save the Date any minute now. But, alas... a plus size girl living in a city full of amazing, high end fashion that considers a size 8 to be an XXL is like being slapped in the face each time you step through retail doors. You haven't seen embarrassment until you see your face in the dressing room mirror when you are trying on something that you know is your size but you end up stuffed in a piece of fabric, your body part smushed in odd directions about to explode while "Fat Bottom Girls" booms over the store radio mocking your failure. Oye!

That's right Freddy... just keep rubbing salt in the wound.

When you do get lucky enough to find clothing for your body type, there is still the matter of quality and all out appearance. Most of the things I find come apart within a few days. I find myself mending things that I just purchased because they are made of thin, low quality, horribly cut materials and really... I don't have a choice. I'm aware that making clothing in the plus size range requires a lot more fabric and costs a lot more money. But I promise you fashion industry, you will make that money back and then some. I know a bucket load of women with the same problem that would be willing to pay a little extra for a shirt that won't self destruct. Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug, Avenue... I love you, but what is it with the patterns? Seriously, I need to know. I come in the store, looking for something simple. Jeans, a black dress.. ya know.. the things every woman should have in her closet. Instead, I get prints, prints and more prints. Patterns that rival the ugliest movie theater or casino carpet. Usually, they are accompanied by a few ruffles here and there. Maybe I'm being a little harsh. Some patterns aren't that bad. Some patterns. Others just seem like a cruel joke.

And, what about jeans? Why is finding a pair of plain blue jeans like searching for the holy grail? Sometime you think you found them then... BAM! Turn them around and find a bedazzled medley all over butt. I'm not 12. I don't need a glittery star on my behind pockets to make me feel like a BAMF. At least not everyday jeans.

So is this considered business casual or......

Wow, it's just such an exhausting mission sometimes. I'm a trendy person. I enjoy trying out new styles and looks I see in magazines or movies. It's fun to me. Variety isn't a word easily used to describe plus size clothing. It makes me long for the pre-teen days when I owned a tiny sewing kit and barbie sewing machine. Out of all the reasons I want to loose weight, I'd say that "making shopping a little easier" would be in the top 5. It would be nice to go into a store or shopping with my friends and not want to pull my hair out. Or at least not to receive speculative looks from the sales associates. Seriously, this happened. While perusing through an upscale Manhattan clothing store, I was constantly being badgered by a sales associate who asked me about 4 times if I was "buying a gift for someone else" and wouldn't stop given me the stink eye. The realist in me thought "Maybe she's thinks I can't afford anything in here" (which was most likely what she was thinking and might I add... completely accurate). The comedian in me thought "maybe it's because I'm black". (Highly unlikely. It's a joke people I'm not serious). But, the insecure me won over and thought "It's because I can't fit one thing in here". So, I mosied over to the scarf and sun glasses section to get blondie off my back. She still watched me though. I swear, with one eye brow raise, that broad became my 99th problem. I vow here today that when I get to my goal weight, I will go back to that store with shopping bags in hand and pull a "Pretty Woman" all over that place.

 Way to shut that skank down Julia!

To be honest, I will probably have these problems when I get to my goal weight. I'll still have to get a shirt one size larger because my boobs won't fit. Jeans will still be a problem because my thigh size doesn't match my hip size. All women have these problems. I have a friend who's too tall. Another that feels she can't find anything because she's too skinny. It happens all across the board. But, I gotta say it's worth all that fuss to find things that help me bring my personality to the outside. Or just finding a simple shirt that doesn't unravel like an ill conceived plan. Yeah, it's kinda shallow. Hopefully this rant didn't set women back  a few decades. What can I say,  I have political, enlightening, forward, world changing thoughts. But sometimes my thoughts all revert back to the simple fact that I am a woman... and I just want a pair of jeans that trick me into believing that I have Beyonce's ass. Is that too much to ask? Until next time....

3 Clothing Stores That Make Shopping Easier For Plus Size Women

1). Torrid

        Most of the clothes are great! Fashionable, well made and doesn't make me feel like I'm 20 years older than I am. Unfortunately, there isn't a location near me but that only means that I rack up a swarm of online points! Torrid.com - The Destination for Trendy Plus-Size Fashion

2). IGiGi

       Great store if you are looking for dressy. A little on the expensive side but still wonderful to look at and get ideas and occasionally splurge on an amazing dress. IGiGi: Designer Plus-size Dresses

3). Forever 21

        I have tried to hate this store, trust me. But, it's one of the only places in Manhattan I can shop and find things that work for me. Not always good quality but super affordable. Forever 21: Plus

Love Always,
     The girl who has experienced that awkward moment when you spot something amazing hanging amongst your size in the store and ecstatically grab it only to see that someone of the size 2 persuasion hung it there because that rack was closest to the dressing room. :/

28 Blazing Candles

Yeah, I know what's going on right now. Your eyes, alert and focused, are zeroing in on the the words "Dark Shadows". And before you ask, the answer is no. "Dark Shadows" is not my Bond girl innuendo. Nor is it my my Avengers identity or my stripper name. Ok, lets forget about the DS for a moment. What I really want you to pay attention to is the date towards the bottom of the picture. May 11th... A glorious, wonderful day that claims the birth of a number of coolbeans people. Let's see... there's Salvador Dali, the great surrealist painter. Also you have Martha Graham, the innovator of modern dance. Oh yeah, we can't forget Peter North, the great Pornstar best known for his work in "Johnny Come Greatly" (Gee, thanks Wikipedia by way of Google for that info). And then, there's just little ol' me. That's right, May 11th is my birthday! Way back when, on Mother's Day 1984, 11:46pm, just when everyone thought that I wouldn't be showing up until the 12th, I pulled a "SIKE" and came on out into the world. Tadaaaa!

Birthday's are preeeety important to me. I don't know what it is. It's like Kevin McCallister and Christmas trees... I'm just super into (excited about, a fan of) celebrating another year of life.  For the last few yearly celebrations, I've created a multiple day event dedicated to honoring my increase in age, wisdom and all the new blessings in the year to come. Its called MAKIAPALOOZA! *Side note*(Makiapalooza is often said with both fists raised in the air and a slightly wild look in the eyes of the speaker). Anyhoo, it's just a designated few days for me to just be more indulgent than usual and happy that I'm here. Those days almost always involve plenty of personal time, reflection of past and future events and a HELLA good time with the people I love. Makiapalooza 2012 was no different...

PALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZA 2012!!!

About a week and a half before "Makiapalooza" started, I had my wisdom teeth removed (Not fun by the way) and spent the next I don't know how many days at home in my bed. Due to being heavily influenced by the Mary Poppins of prescriptions, going outside and interacting with the world was not a good idea. So, when the official 1st day of my festivities began ( and I woke up with absolutely no pain in my mouth... yippeee!) I was anxious to emerge from the hibernation cave that was my apartment and treat myself to various outings in NYC. Most of my personal celebrations consisted of eating real food (you never know how much you miss chewing until its taken away from you for a few days), lying in the park with my book, a mani pedi, and an AM showing of "The Avengers", where I kicked back in the half empty theater and confirmed my crush on Mark Ruffalo. A haze of lazy activity. Buzzing with enough stored energy to power the entire dance crew on a MC Hammer video, I was ready for the real hootenanny to begin!

THE BEACH BOYS
Armed with 2 tickets (courtesy of the local radio station), my friend Stacey and I headed to Beacon Theater to see The Beach Boys for their 50th anniversary tour.

 Self Explanatory Picture

Oh man, the show was amazing! 50 years *sigh*. These guys have so much history and I was honored to celebrate with them. They, of course, sang all the hits. Brian Wilson, and his super falsetto... Mike Love, or "Dr. Love" ( a name that adorned the t-shirts of a number of 60 plus ladies) pointing and flirting with all the women in the crowd... staggering fun times. The magnificence of the show was topped off by none other than John "Uncle Jesse" Stamos. Yep, The Stamos introduced The Beach Boys and even came out for a few songs. He sang, he played the bongos, he basically punched the audience in the face with a dose on 90's nostalgia. Man, I miss "Full House". It took everything I had not to shout for Jesse and the Rippers. The guy behind me didn't have as much luck controlling the shouting urges. He happily and energetically shouted "STAMOS!!" every time ol' John kablamed  us with his presence on stage. 
My favorite part of the show came in the faces and sounds of the fans in the audience. You could absolutely tell that the majority of the people in that room were long time, die hard Beach Boys fans. The way a person would scream and throw their hands up in the air when a favorite song would start... you knew that person was reliving the first time they heard that song or a life altering memory associated with the lyrics. For example: The guy in front of me seemed to have an intense connection with the song "Wouldn't It Be Nice". For most of the show, he, like all of us grooved and sang along. But, when that song started he couldn't help himself. He jumped up and fully embodied the music. It was fun standing behind him and watching his joy. Instead of angling my recording slightly to the right to see the stage, I kept the camera on him.

I had my own little moment with the song "God Only Knows". Love x3 that song! It was so amazing to hear it live. For just a little while I was a crazy fan completely in my own world. During the performance of "In My Room" everyone sat down to enjoy the slow jam in peace. Toward the front, and older couple remained standing. Their arms were wrapped around each other as they swayed side to side as if they were the only two people in the room. This was their song. With everyone else ignored, they lived for those few minutes in a memory. It was one of the sweetest things I have ever seen. I want that one day.

With the show wrapping to a close, we all entered the land of "Kokomo" and got one last "Good Vibration" before leaving. Congrats Beach Boys. You still got it and your music will continue to evoke the reactions I saw that night. Bangerang good show!

My sentiments exactly sir.

THE BEASTIE BOWL
If you have ever read my blog, you know that I am a huge fan of Brooklyn Bowl's Thursday night "Bowl Train". After my friend Erin landed in NYC we spent the day preparing for the that night's Bowl Train extravaganza, eager to see what Quest Love would spin for our dance moves. With the passing of Beastie Boys MCA fresh on the minds of music lovers around the world, the Brooklyn Bowl had it's own way of saying thank you to Adam Yauch. Instead of the normal  decade interchangeable smorgasbord of music, Quest Love played an all Beastie Boys hip hop bomb interlaced with a few songs that influenced the group. Episodes of Soul Train featuring Beastie Boys performances played on all the TV screens. And the dance floor was crowded with individuals giving their own Beastie Boys concert.  I don't know if you know this but, Beastie Boys music + Bowling+ An undisclosed amount of Whiskey Sours+ wonderful friends (side hip bump to Ann, Sophia, and E.Capps) + Erin Capps "should be busted out more often" legendary dance moves = a rockin' good time! We bowled, danced and the staff was nice enough to bring me a delicious ice cream sundae complete with a B-day candle. I blew the candle out and made a wish for my 28th year while "Intergalactic" blasted in the back ground.

MAY 11TH
Besides my annual dance to "Happy Birthday" By Altered Images, I had know idea what was going to happen that day. My friends, the amazing people that they are, had a surprise for me and I couldn't help my kid on Christmas bouncing up and down. I spent the day chatting with friends and reliving the day of my birthday with my mom over the phone. That evening, I got my surprise in the form of a Broadway ticket to see "Sister Act"! It was such an amazing show. I had no idea what to expect. Raven Simone led a cast of extreme talents in a highly entertaining spectacle. I still have some of the songs stuck in my head. The set was fantastic, the costumes amazing and the experience motivating. Seeing a show or films or television program is like fuel to me. It reminds me why I chose this business. Story telling. It's what I do. Whether it's through writing or the spoken word I am a re-narrative of imagination. My friends hit the nail on the head with that gift, as they usually do. My cheeks were in pain from smiling so much during that show.

We ended the night on the roof of my apartment building with a bottle of champagne and music. I honestly couldn't ask for a better Birthday. Sitting there with two of my sisters, friends and family that weren't there with me but ever present in my heart and mind, I sent a cheers towards the sky line and thought 28 is starting off with the highest of kicks.

 Me, doing my very best Sister Act

REFLECTION

Palooza concluded with a giant jumble of mimosas, rooftop chats, chick flicks and sleeping until the afternoon. My gosh, I seriously can't believe I'm 28. When I was a young girl, it seemed like such a far away age... almost incomprehensible.  I still feel like fresh meat in this world, which... I am. 10 years ago when I graduated high school (sheesh), I had no idea what to expect for when my reunion came up. What stories would I have to tell? What will I be doing? The person I imagined at 28 is completely different than the person I currently am. It's a good thing. I love where I am in life right now. Not completely young and foolish, but not quite the full fledged worldly adult. There's a kind of spontaneity to this period in our youth. My cousin sent me a message on my birthday that said "Happy 28th! Welcome to the best year of your life so far!" I truly believe that. I have no idea what 28 will bring but this feeling... the kind of excitement you feel when you jumped off a diving board for the first time or the buzz you get before a first kiss, it's crackling around me.  Consider me amped! Here comes the 28th adventure :P.

 

PUDGE WATCH 2012

I did it! I completed my detox like a champ. It was honestly one of the best things I could have done for my body. You learn so much about yourself and your own will power and, what can I say, I'm proud. I'm actually planning to continue eating the foods on my detox list starting in the next day or so. While on the program, I had so much energy and I felt amazing. It was helping me get healthy and I didn't feel the sluggish, heavy feeling that surrounded me before. I think I owe it to myself to try it out longer. Not on a completely strict basis but, more of a guide. Not eating junk wasn't as hard as I imagined. I'll be starting back up my tumblr blog soon, following my recipe choices and exercise methods and etc. Please feel free to visit if ya wanna know how the war on weight is fairing up. The Pudge Diaries

 

I'm sure you can tell but, Makiapalooza was definitely amazing this year. I want all of my friends and family to know that I am so thankful for each and every one of you. The awesome messages I received, the tokens in the mail, the singing on my voicemail... I don't know how to say thank you enough. That's my true gift every year. The people in my life. Until next time.....  

 

3 Things That Are Seducing My Entertainment Buds

1). Degeneration X
          Have you ever seen a play that gets under your skin? You feel the characters so much that you swear they are real people. You relate to them and  talk about them as if they are real. That was my experience when seeing Perf Productions Multimedia play Degeneration X.  Meredith Edwards, Director and Co-creator with Leah Bachar introduces us to Xavier, an artist living in Brooklyn, NY  who struggles with migraines, hallucinations and the ability to tell the difference between what's real, and what's imaginary. We follow Xavier as everything in his world becomes more and more chaotic.
I'm not a professional reviewer. It's hard for me to tell you all about the technical genius of this show. I can only tell you what I felt. To me, the show was brilliant. The characters were complex and genuine and there wasn't one time where I wasn't completely engrossed in the story. Watching the story jump back and forth between the stage world and the film world gave the play such a well rounded energy and brought you deeper into the roller coaster that was Xavier's mind and emotions. Top it off with wonderful artwork by Shmee and an incredible cast, you got a creative, colorful show. I can't wait to see it again! Perf Productions

2).The Shack By WM Paul Young
             One ordinary day, you check your mailbox and there, in a plain white envelope, is a letter from God inviting you to a location to meet with him for a weekend. Would you go? Yeah, it sounds a bit suspicious and most of us would probably write it off as a joke. But, what if it was real? In this book, we follow a man who, while going through an awful, Great Sadness, receives a chance to talk with God. What would you say? What answers would I need to hear? These questions and more run through my head every time I turn the page while reading this book. What I really love most about this book is its ability to not preach at you, not try to convert you.... it's a wonderful story of faith, and a struggle for understanding. Trust me guys, give it a shot.

3). ABC's "Scandal"
          I've been hearing about this show for a while now and I finally had time to start it a couple of days ago. Well, I am really, really diggin' on this show. 3 cheers to Shonda Rhimes, Judy Smith and the star Kerry Washington. Its a super clever show about a group of individuals, led by the "Trust Your Gut" believer Olivia Pope, who are basically professional "fixers". They make problems go away. I've already finished the entire 7 episodes of the first season and I am completely sucked in. Bravo. If you are looking for something to watch on a rainy day... you know what to do.

Love Always,
    The girl who survived her first year in the Big Apple Jungle