A Lovely Puzzle: November 2012

November 7, 2012: The morning after the Election. I awoke to the sound of knuckles colliding with my door. It was my cooky neighbor, Reese. She earned the title "cooky" due to her random outburst of unnecessary comments. Examples include "I would TOTALLY make out with Abraham Lincoln if he visited my room as a ghost." and "I love Rhianna's music but, my vagina is more of a Joni Mitchell fan." Anyhoo, she was knocking to deliver an invite for the Obama celebration happening later in the lobby. "We gonna have a couple of pies (pizza), some music, and then... we gonna watch "The Faculty" she said. Ahhh America :).

The evidence of last night's historical event still lingers everywhere today. Facebook is scattered with victorious comments or perturbed protests. Red, white and blue confetti scatter certain parts of Time Square. People walk around like the day after the super bowl, wearing their favorite "team" shirts, showing support for their candidate win or lose. Hopefully during the next four years, the strain on our country will ease as will this great divide between Americans right now.

Sheesh, it's been a while since I wrote my last blog. Sorry everyone. Life's been throwing the biggest curve balls at me lately. Throw in travel, friends visiting, and psycho Sandy... well you got yourself a writing road block.

Call me a "sweet little tropical storm" one more time and I'll show you what's up.

When I would get a few moments to sit down and type, I would just stare at the blank screen, the cursor blinking at me with an impatient knowledge that I had absolutely nothing to say. The truth is, things have been rather difficult for me lately. I didn't want to write about that. I wanted happy, witty, fun entries. But, when I started this blog, I promised to write about the good and the bad. So, let's get a little honest right now.

The past 6 months have been...interesting. While on one hand I am happy, healthy and continue to add to my list wonderful memories, the other hand holds a seemingly never ending pile of occurrences that constantly test my optimism and confidence.

The word "No" is like a cockroach that just won't die. You get one, you get twelve more working against you to make your life miserable. It seems that every venture I've taken lately slaps me in the face with a big fat "NO". No from the job you applied for. Nay from the agents you sent your headshots to. Nein from the weight loss scale, NIET, NIE, NON, NI, NOPE, HUH-UH, NEVER, ABSOLUTELY NOT, MAYBE AROUND NOT GONNA HAPPEN O'CLOCK. I have to admit, the constant rejection starts to weigh on you. At first, the "I'll get um next time" attitude flows out easier than a smile. Then, the negative effects of the word begin to fog your rose colored glasses. You think "I can't handle another no." But alas, you can. Here's 5 more for your trouble and one giant NO to make sure you're knocked on your ass. As you can probably guess and most of my friends probably know, this put me in a funk. Not just any funk... ohhhh noo... the kind of funk that makes you sympathize with the Wicked Witch of the West (Well, the b*%ch dropped a house on her sister and then STOLE her shoes! I'd try to kill her too!) Yeah, that kind of funk.

I always knew that this time in my life might occur. I chose a career that's synonymous with the word struggle. My professors warned me that there would be 1000 no's before I heard 1 yes. Hearing these warnings definitely prepared me but, living the warnings is a whole other ballgame. The way that I look at it, I have 2 choices: A). I could continue to let the "No" pull me further and further underwater. Or, B). I can fight my way to the surface for air. Over the last few months, I've chosen answer A, giving in to a kind of "What's the use" type yielding. I still try of course, but I try with the insecurity of a person who doesn't expect to hear a yes. That's almost worse than doing nothing at all.

Here's the thing about the word "No": It can be a negative burden on your shoulders making you slump over in defeat, or, it can piss you off. One day after yet another no from a job I submitted for, the usual aww poo feeling didn't fall over me. I started to feel angry. Anger is a powerful motivator. It can give you an 80's movie montage type of determination. I was done with letting the rejections make me feel inferior. I chose answer B. After choosing to fight for what I want in life, getting up everyday has been different. Its almost like I can't get up early enough. Yes, I've still been getting rejections but instead of backing away, I take the time to lick my wounds and move on. My best friend told me that God is trying to teach me something with this experience. Maybe I need to learn to be stronger. Maybe this is a test in faith. Maybe its showing me to appreciate what I have right now to further appreciate privileges in the future. I honestly don't know. But, I am trusting that going through this is going to benefit me greatly.

Hopefully you don't find this preachy or "after school special-like" (if you do, oh well, to the dogs with ya... I have to say this) but, I want everyone going through difficult struggles at the moment to know that the term "This too shall pass" is popular for a reason. This journey that we all go through to discover our character has so many bumps and bruises attached to it that you look like a battered solider when you come out of it. But when I see so many of my friends living their dream jobs, getting married, buying homes, having children, traveling, pushing, living, loving and celebrating... I know we are all due victories. With all the "No" in the world, that 1 yes is gonna taste sweeter than a Paula Deen desert.

*Sigh* adulthood. Sometimes I wish I could just lay on the floor and throw a Veruca Salt like tantrum when I don't get my way. Now, my tantrums include knitting, wine, watching " The Princess Diaries" and listening to "That's Life" by Frank Sinatra. But, ya know what? Maybe there's something to this "Not giving up" thing. I just heard a YES today. An editor has offered me the chance to write for an online magazine. I sent in my first article and she loves it. Someone's about to be published! Here's a link to my very first article (yippee!!!) at Thalo.com. 5 Paintings The Would Make Great Movies By Makia Martin