Weight A Minute

Since I was a little girl, there are 5 things that have remained true about me:

1). My voice still gets ridiculously loud when i'm excited about the subject.

2). I still love plain vanilla ice cream more than any other flavor.

3). My naïve, optimistic impressions of how people fall in love (thanks to Beauty and the Beast and any other magical Disney cartoon).

4). How incredibly stubborn I am… then, now... always.

5). The FACT that I have been and continue to be overweight.

My weight has always, in my mind, been this giant electric pink elephant in the room. As a younger girl it was something that was pleasantly picked on by my family. They thought it was cute. Nicknames like chubby come to mind followed by someone poking me in the stomach waiting for me to giggle. When I entered middle school, the beautiful, skinny girls with the amazing hair and the newest Sketchers used my "fatness" as a form of comedy. Even my first official boyfriend in middle school commented about the “meat on my bones”. Yeessh, people of North Rowan, why did you let me date him? Anyhoo, High school came and I just stopped caring about what people thought of me. It earned me respect and a bucket load of friends. The name calling stopped and my high school years were pretty groovy.

Even though the comments from others stopped, the comments coming from within myself never did. My confidence dropped and I started using comedy to cover up for my weight. College went on the same way, low confidence, high happy personality. That seems to be me till this day. Don’t get me wrong, I have a happy life. I love the people around me, I love the fact that I am doing something with my life. Wonderful things and amazing moments have happened to me and they have done nothing but enrich my heart. But, I have always felt like there was something missing. I would attempt weight loss, only to relapse and go back to my old habits. I’ve done everything from Diet pills (made me feel crazy) to the South Beach Diet (made me feel dizzy). I’m sick of it! People who are close to me have heard this time and time again. I would get motivated… then I would just sink, like a boulder to the bottom of the river.

A few years ago, I lost my Grandmother. She was one of the most amazing people I've ever known. I was holding her hand and watching her last breath when she passed. My Mema had type 2 Diabetes, something that runs in my family. Her health was always a problem for her. In the end.. it took her from our family. I had a dream about her a couple of nights ago. In the dream we were running and laughing. It was great. She looked so healthy and free and it shook me. I woke up with a need to make myself better. I need to get healthier . Forget all the magazines and models, and Kardashians... whatever they are. I'm not doing this to become more like them. I need to do this for me. The reason I am writing this in my blog is because despite the fact that I want to accomplish this on my own, I need help. Maybe that has been my problem all these years. I've been afraid to admit that I need help with this struggle. You guys are amazing. I have said it before and I will say it again.. I have the best friends in the world. I always have support, always have friends who tell me how beautiful and special I am. And I know they mean it with all their hearts. I want to see what they see. I want to believe what they believe. I want to be able to simply say “thank you” when someone compliments me instead of making a joke. So here it is everyone… the truth.

-I am 284 pounds.

-I have high blood pressure.

-I hide half my body behind people when taking group pictures. (A very impressive talent that I have worked hard to perfect).

-I love clothes but hate shopping.

-I get winded when walking up a flight of stairs. Hell, to be honest, I can't remember the last time I did more than casually stroll. No power walks.. don't even mention jogging.

-Sometimes my eating can get out of control.

-I'm scared that if I don't stop this now, my life will be consumed by obesity.

I’m not writing this to make people sad or feel sorry for me. I am not depressed and on my last leg. I am happy with the way things are going in my life… I just think its time for me to take control of my weight. I know I can do this, and to be honest, it’s time. It’s time I was not only happy with the environment around me, but happy with myself. I will be posting my progress on this blog because I want to be held accountable. Plus, when I DO beat this obesity, I want to look back and know I can conquer anything. Who knows, maybe I’ll motivate someone else in the process. So from now on, each blog will have a “Weight Progress” (hopefully I can come up with a better name than that... it's boring) section at the bottom, showing what’s up!

I currently have some time off and my main focus is going to be me. I’ve joined and gym and I’m also a weight watchers member. I have an appointment next week to see a nutritionist and I couldn’t be more excited. I can’t believe I just said that… I’m excited. :) Once again, thanks for reading. Until next time…

5 Things I am digging on at the moment: Weight Loss Edition

1). The Biggest Loser

     Ok, I am the first to admit that some reality TV shows get on my nerves. Not this show. I love it! These people motivate me so much. I cry almost every episode. Bob Harper has to be the coolest dude around. I know that if they can do it.. so can I.

2). Body Idols

      So here's the truth. In order to do this I need something to work towards. I don't want to be a skinny model, I just want to be happy with my body. I decided to pick body idols... women who motivate me because they are independent and proud of their curves. A few of my body idols are:

                

 Christina Hendricks- This woman is curvy and beautiful. Every time I see her, I get a since of pride. She isn't afraid to just be her.

Jennifer Hudson- I know alot of people who thinks that she looks weird after her weight loss. I don't see that. I think she looks happy. She is motivating women all over the country and I admire her spirit.

Tara Lynn - This wonderful woman is a plus size model. She is one of the only high fashion plus size models out there. I can't help but to look at her and feel like I can be curvy and confident.

3). Weight Watchers

        I have a food addiction. That is the truth. When alcoholics want to get better they go to AA meetings. There, they can find the help and support they need. Other people are there who understand how hard it is for them. Being there helps them stay motivated and on the right path. That's what weight watchers is for me. 

4). Lucille Roberts Health and Fitness Center

         I've found a gym here in NYC that's affordable and caters specifically to women's health. They have a fully equipped gym and fun classes. Look out Zumba... here I come!

5). Running

        One thing that I have never been is a runner. I want to learn. I love to watch people run. I can't wait until the day when I can put on my itunes and just run. Nothing but me and the wind. I admire those who can run and hopefully, one day soon, I will be able to run a mile.

Love Always,

   The girl who's boss offered her a freshly baked doughnut 5 seconds after she wrote this blog. (Seriously... its like she knew. I am proud to say that I turned down that delicious ball of glaze and opted for baby carrots...... stupid carrots :/ )