Do The Tubman

Tales of a Thirtysomething Barista.....

INT. Coffee Shop - Morning Shift                                                                        

So, I think most of us can agree that Racism isn't... groovy. I've dealt with my fair share of deliberate racism but, 40% of the comments or actions I've experienced in that regard have been accidental or what you would call "light stereotyping". While working on set, I once had the lead actor of the TV show walk right up to me and ask if I got the new "Fiddy" album. (That's right, not 50... Fiddy). Keep in mind, I wasn't the only one standing there. I was surrounded by dozens of other extras, all caucasian, just like the lead actor. It amused me because I think the last album I'd purchased at that time was Hilary Duff (no shame). Little things like that always happen to me. I have a regular that comes in the coffee shop who calls me "Areatha" because he can't remember my name. And a coworker who constantly asks me if I've tried certain Fried Chicken locations around the city. Well, the last two might be because I'm a tad overweight but, for the purpose of this blog, I'm calling it accidental racism.

Today, I have the pleasure of working during our weekly Mommy and Me sing-a-long. That's 30+ infants, their mother's (Or as I like to call them, the Park Slope Stroller Mafia), and a barefoot guy with a guitar, dancing around and trying to get the infants who can't talk to "C'MON AND SING-A-LONG WITH MEEEE". The barefoot guy in question happens to be the most accidentally racist person I've ever met. He racks up uncomfortable comments like numbers on a score board.

"Hey, LaTeesha! How's it going today?" LaTeesha? - DING! That's 1.

"What's the name of that one black guy. I know YOU know him." - DING! That's 2.

"I really admire you girls going back to your roots with your hair!" Annnnd then 
he attempted to touch said hair without permission... DING-DING-DING! DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING!!!!!!!!!!

Ya know, nothing too serious. Just a comment here and there that always makes me go (high pitched) "Hmmmm, really?" 

My favorite part of the sing-a-long is when he gets into the "Civil War" section of his performance. He's a Civil War buff, ya see. He has this one jam about Harriet Tubman called "Do The Tubman". And every song has a good hook, right? Well, this one has "If you get tired, do the Tub-Tub-Tubman"( I wish I was making this up). During the song, he gets a few of the toddlers present to stomp around like they're traveling the Underground Railroad. He always shouts "Thats right kiddos! Walk, walk, walk. Cause God knows nobody did more walking than Harriet Tubman!"

Again with the high pitched "Hmmmm, really?"

I've heard this song about 20 times and each time I wonder who on earth told him that this was a good idea? I get a bonus laugh when I see a few of the Stroller Mafia peaking at me to see if I'm offended. The only thing that really offends me is that the song gets stuck in my head for hours and I catch myself singing it for the rest of the day. Damn you barefoot guitar man. Your cringe worthy jams are kind of catchy! I can't wait to hear your Dubstep tune about Martin Luther King. 

Ok. Shift over. Another sing-a-long survived. I'm gonna grab my coat, put a hat on my ethnic hair and Tubman my ass right on home. 

The Thirtysomething Barista