Don't Call It A Comeback....

Song: Time To Pretend by MGMT

Ok... ok... let me explain...

1 year... 1 month and 6 days. That's how long its been since I wrote my last blog. I'm surprised that I even remembered my password. But, here I am. My blog let me back in with open arms after sitting there like a forgotten tomb containing my New York memories and revelations. I was almost afraid to come back. Afraid that I wouldn't have anything interesting to say. When you are trying to make it as a writer/actor, one of your main concerns is public reception. What will they think of me? Are they enjoying themselves? Will they come back for more? Ok, so that sounds more like a lady of the evening but, you get what I'm saying.

I feel your pain boo.

I'd forgotten what it was like to just write. Write about my life and my experiences. Write for fun and without any concern of the topic or perception or "will I get paid for this?" So, I came back to the basics. Back to the blog that started my love affair with my keyboard. I mean, if NBC can revive "Heroes" and "Coach", I can revive my blog (#thingsgrownasswomensay). 

Ok so, what's happened during my year absence? Well, a lot of things are still the same. Three major things in particular: 

1). I'm still black. 

2). I'm still an Actor

3). I'm still hopelessly and completely in love with New York City. 

Differences? Well, a lot can happen in a year. A few notable changes:

1). I'm now a part of the "Dirty 30" Club.

That's right, I'm now a lovely lady in her 30s. While I was a little nervous about entering this new decade in my life, I have to admit that the pros far out weigh the cons. I've developed a certain confidence that I never really had in my twenties. Things like saying "No" has become an easy freedom. I'm excited about what the 30s will bring to my life. Although, hearing the Marisa Tomei "Ticking time clock" speech from "My Cousin Vinny" is a little different now. She was my age. She was ready for a baby. I'm not. Is that bad? Why does my family keep asking me about my relationship and uterus status? What the hell time is it anyway? 

2). I've had the pleasure of being robbed.

           

Nothing says "Official New Yorker" like having your money stolen by a couple of teenagers. I wish I could tell you that I'm A-OK about the incident. The truth is it made me angry and a little jittery. I worked hard for that money. I also worked hard to sustain a level of trust and safety in this city. I'm a bit more cautious when it comes to people now. I suspect this nervous energy will ease at some point. But trust me when I say that if I didn't feel 30 before my little run in with the pubescent Ocean's Eleven, then hearing myself yell "YOU ALL NEED AN ASS WHOOPIN'" as they ran away with my cash certainly did the trick.

3). I've experienced a few bumps a bruises when it comes to love and dating.

I remember my first heartache. I curled up on my bed, listened to "This I Promise You" by N'sync on repeat and wondered "Where did it all go wrong? How did this happen? We're suppose to be together." There was nothing I could do. Justin Timberlake loved Britney Spears, not me. *Sigh* I had to let him go.  Anyhoo, fast-forward to today. Dating and love is still the most unpredictable book I've ever read.  But, it's nothing that couldn't be healed with amazing friends, Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movies and a bit of interpretive dance to Prodigy in my apartment. In the words of Forest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

4). I'm A Working Actress 

I hopped off the bus in NYC Axel Rose "Welcome To The Jungle" style. With my bags in one hand and my dreams in the other, I was determined to manifest every desire of my heart. In the past year, I've witnessed several victories in my acting career. I have a manager/agent now. I've been going on auditions and best of all, booking roles. When you leap out on faith without any proof that you'll be caught, its scary. I'm still not quite sure there's a net to catch me but, the fall has been anything but boring. The feeling I felt when I received the email about my very 1st SAG role booking.... I can't describe it. Incredible doesn't seem like enough. I ran to the roof of my apartment, looked at the Empire State Building (It was pink that night) and I "Whooooo-hoooooooooed" like it was New Years Eve. Now that I've experienced that feeling, I will always want it again and again. Like a drug. Maybe my Acting career will work out. Maybe it won't. But what ever I do in this life, I now KNOW that I need that feeling. I need that light feeling of accomplishment and excitement. 




So, there you have it! A "Previously on A Lovely Puzzle...." for ya before the season premiere. I have to say, I'm a little to excited about writing this blog again. For a person who didn't think she had anything interesting to say, my mind is buzzing with all sorts of stories to share. It gives me another reason to stop and notice the present. Looking forward to experiencing 2015 with you! Until next time... 

Love Always, 
The girl who is still putting together her lovely puzzle

Spare Some Change?

Sheesh! I feel like I haven't posted in forever. Life has been moving sonic the hedgehog style the last couple of month. With changes popping up in every aspect of my life from weight loss to career to family, I've hardly had a moment to just sit down and post. But today, with nothing to do but kick back with a cold root beer as summer descends upon NYC, I wanted to just write a brief post about all the happenings.


Change #1: Career Moves

Like the city, I've had this anxious buzz flowing around me lately. Anxious to try something different. Anxious to move to the next step. So, after taking another accounting clerk job, I made the decision that it would be my last for a while. I wanted to pursue my dreams full time. It's amazing what happens when you close your eyes and just leap out on faith. I've been getting more auditions in the last few weeks than I've had in the last few years. With the pick up in my auditioning, there's also been a pick up in rejection. I've been knocked on my ass by rejection in this business so much that I swear I can feel bruises. But honestly, I have to say that I have never been more excited to hear a "NO" in my life. I just keep tallying them up because that yes... it's coming. If I have to  take another accounting job in the future, I will. You do what you HAVE to do so that you can do what you WANT to do. But for now, I'm gonna roll with this and wear my determination like a bold red lipstick. 

Change #2: Weight Loss

If anyone ever says to me "Losing weight isn't that hard", I'm going to bitch smack them in the ear. This weight loss journey... what can I say? It's equal parts exhilarating and frustrating. Not to mention that it feels like it's moving at the speed of a parked car. I actually went to a doctor because I felt that something was going on with my body that wouldn't let me loose. But, the simple answer was... It took a long time to get this way and its gonna take a while to get rid of it. So, not only am I exercising my body, I'm also exercising my patience. Doing this the right, healthy way is slow and steady but, I've heard that slow and steady wins the race so.... gotta keep on pushin'. One thing I have noticed is my need growing for all things healthy. Its no secret that I've slid back into old habits a time or two but, lately, I've been wanting healthier options. I want a bowl of fruit instead of a bag of chips. I want my morning workout. I see my addictions changing for the better. And it's true, tomorrow when I look in the mirror, I won't see a body that will cause Beyonce jealously but, hopefully, I will see a body that makes me proud. A work in progress. 

Change #3: Makia... I am your father

This time last year, I was writing a Father's Day blog dedicated to my dad, a person I hardly knew. Most of you know that my father was rarely apart of my life when I was younger. Even more so, when I was a teenager. Then one day, he just... disappeared. I haven't seen my father in 11 years. So, imagine my stunned surprise when I received a phone call a couple of weeks ago from none other than the man himself. This was probably the strangest day of my life. I'd pretty much accepted the fact that I would never speak with my father again and now, here he was. We talked for hours that night and about everything under the sun. I learned information about my family and also things about my dad that I never knew. I'm a lot like him. Since that night, I've talked to my father every day. Mostly, our conversations start with "So what happened in your life during (insert year here). He wants to be apart of my life. What shocks me the most about this is how easily we've connected. I plan on taking this slowly, one day at a time style but still, it's hard for me not to feel completely giddy and hopeful about him. I know most of you are wondering why I would share something so personal on this blog. The truth is sadly, I know a lot of people who also didn't have a solid relationship with their fathers as a child. I know most would understand. I don't know if that makes sense but, I just wanted to share this piece of honesty.

Change #4: ME

I took a picture of myself while typing this blog because I noticed that I just couldn't stop smiling like a fool. I've been in NYC for 2 years now (officially on June 16) and thinking about that just gave me this overwhelming sense of gratitude. I'm so thankful to be where I am right now in this moment. The last 2 years have been unbelievable. Without sounding like a classic movie slow clap speech, I have to state that I've grown so so so much in that time. I'm becoming an extension of the city with its dominance and allure and energy and independence and hope. I've met so many amazing people here and gotten closer to those I already knew. I know it's pretty ridiculous to write about my changes at the moment because as people, we are ever changing. It doesn't stop. In six month I'll probably write another blog about a completely new set of events. Right now, I'm making room for them. Room in my heart for all the love I have to give. Room in my mind for all the things I will learn. So, happy anniversary New York City. You've been just as good for me as I hope I've been for you. *Sigh* I really tried not to make this a slow clap moment. Really! I did. I'm just cheesy and since I'm 29, I'm pretty sure the cheese is here to stay.

Until Next time......

5 Songs With The Word "Change" In The Title

1). "Changes" by David Bowie

2). "Change Your Mind" by The Killers

3). "A Change Is Gonna Come" by Sam Cooke

4). "Change The World" by Eric Clapton

5).  "A Change Would Do You Good" by Sheryl Crow

Love Always, 

The girl who can't stop dancing to "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk