Don't Call It A Comeback....

Song: Time To Pretend by MGMT

Ok... ok... let me explain...

1 year... 1 month and 6 days. That's how long its been since I wrote my last blog. I'm surprised that I even remembered my password. But, here I am. My blog let me back in with open arms after sitting there like a forgotten tomb containing my New York memories and revelations. I was almost afraid to come back. Afraid that I wouldn't have anything interesting to say. When you are trying to make it as a writer/actor, one of your main concerns is public reception. What will they think of me? Are they enjoying themselves? Will they come back for more? Ok, so that sounds more like a lady of the evening but, you get what I'm saying.

I feel your pain boo.

I'd forgotten what it was like to just write. Write about my life and my experiences. Write for fun and without any concern of the topic or perception or "will I get paid for this?" So, I came back to the basics. Back to the blog that started my love affair with my keyboard. I mean, if NBC can revive "Heroes" and "Coach", I can revive my blog (#thingsgrownasswomensay). 

Ok so, what's happened during my year absence? Well, a lot of things are still the same. Three major things in particular: 

1). I'm still black. 

2). I'm still an Actor

3). I'm still hopelessly and completely in love with New York City. 

Differences? Well, a lot can happen in a year. A few notable changes:

1). I'm now a part of the "Dirty 30" Club.

That's right, I'm now a lovely lady in her 30s. While I was a little nervous about entering this new decade in my life, I have to admit that the pros far out weigh the cons. I've developed a certain confidence that I never really had in my twenties. Things like saying "No" has become an easy freedom. I'm excited about what the 30s will bring to my life. Although, hearing the Marisa Tomei "Ticking time clock" speech from "My Cousin Vinny" is a little different now. She was my age. She was ready for a baby. I'm not. Is that bad? Why does my family keep asking me about my relationship and uterus status? What the hell time is it anyway? 

2). I've had the pleasure of being robbed.

           

Nothing says "Official New Yorker" like having your money stolen by a couple of teenagers. I wish I could tell you that I'm A-OK about the incident. The truth is it made me angry and a little jittery. I worked hard for that money. I also worked hard to sustain a level of trust and safety in this city. I'm a bit more cautious when it comes to people now. I suspect this nervous energy will ease at some point. But trust me when I say that if I didn't feel 30 before my little run in with the pubescent Ocean's Eleven, then hearing myself yell "YOU ALL NEED AN ASS WHOOPIN'" as they ran away with my cash certainly did the trick.

3). I've experienced a few bumps a bruises when it comes to love and dating.

I remember my first heartache. I curled up on my bed, listened to "This I Promise You" by N'sync on repeat and wondered "Where did it all go wrong? How did this happen? We're suppose to be together." There was nothing I could do. Justin Timberlake loved Britney Spears, not me. *Sigh* I had to let him go.  Anyhoo, fast-forward to today. Dating and love is still the most unpredictable book I've ever read.  But, it's nothing that couldn't be healed with amazing friends, Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movies and a bit of interpretive dance to Prodigy in my apartment. In the words of Forest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

4). I'm A Working Actress 

I hopped off the bus in NYC Axel Rose "Welcome To The Jungle" style. With my bags in one hand and my dreams in the other, I was determined to manifest every desire of my heart. In the past year, I've witnessed several victories in my acting career. I have a manager/agent now. I've been going on auditions and best of all, booking roles. When you leap out on faith without any proof that you'll be caught, its scary. I'm still not quite sure there's a net to catch me but, the fall has been anything but boring. The feeling I felt when I received the email about my very 1st SAG role booking.... I can't describe it. Incredible doesn't seem like enough. I ran to the roof of my apartment, looked at the Empire State Building (It was pink that night) and I "Whooooo-hoooooooooed" like it was New Years Eve. Now that I've experienced that feeling, I will always want it again and again. Like a drug. Maybe my Acting career will work out. Maybe it won't. But what ever I do in this life, I now KNOW that I need that feeling. I need that light feeling of accomplishment and excitement. 




So, there you have it! A "Previously on A Lovely Puzzle...." for ya before the season premiere. I have to say, I'm a little to excited about writing this blog again. For a person who didn't think she had anything interesting to say, my mind is buzzing with all sorts of stories to share. It gives me another reason to stop and notice the present. Looking forward to experiencing 2015 with you! Until next time... 

Love Always, 
The girl who is still putting together her lovely puzzle

Summer Roast

You say September. I say... ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Is it already September? I'm really going to start referring to year 2013 as "Bolt" because this sucka is flying by like it's running for gold. It seems like just yesterday I was walking around Manhattan with a dewy sheen to my skin and puffy hair, courtesy of nature's red headed step child, humidity. Today, I stepped outside my apartment and immediately felt the icy tingles in my throat while breathing in the first chilly signs of Fall. 

Mmmm... Fall. Pumpkins, cinnamon, Halloween, the romance of the ever changing leaves falling around you in jewel toned showers. But, I'm not really gonna get into all that. This blog post is not about dear ol' Autumn. This post is a proper "How I spent my Summer vacation". An acknowledgement of all that Summer has given me this year, good and bad. A sort of... roast! So, sit back in your throne Summer and let me give 3 cheers and a few jeers to sweltering months and hazy memories you've selflessly gifted to the human race.

The Noodle Throne invites you to reminisce on the days of Summer's past

You know you're singing this song right now

Summer memories always flash through my mind in a blur of hot sunny days, the rush of jumping into cool water, music festivals, private jokes, sweaty beers, ice cream cones, grilled foods, heavy rain, singing into your fan, sand drawings, lustful travels, bad movies, good books and all the lazy daydreams a person can muster. There's a certain magical spark about that time of year. Maybe its the fact that the Summer caress runs on a ticking timer. We only have 

a set number of days per year of seemingly endless daylight hours and balmy nights. Everything is so important and new and the words "Now! Here! Capture!" seem to enchant us. Our inhibitions disappear and the careless freedoms of our youth seem to vanquish our resolve. Summer truly is the "carpe diem" of all the four seasons. Too much? Haha. Well, maybe. Maybe its just me." I always feel the desire to experience at least one perfect Summer moment. One moment worthy of a good screenplay or a "When I was your age..." story that I'm sure to tell in my "old lady and her rocking chair" days.

The word for my Summer was definitely "Introspective". I spent most of my time in a state of constant arrangement. Planning my next moves. Prepping the plans for my next moves. Don't get me wrong. I did a lot. I hit pretty much every topic in my list of the perfect Summer. But most of my summer was spent in thought. Plus, for some reason my body decided to that it cared very little about Summer days. I became a child of the moon. My eyes refused to give in to sleep until closer to dawn. Most of my late nights were spent on the roof, writing, star gazing (at what little stars you can see in the city) and listening to music. By the end of August, most of my plans catapulted straight towards action. I think I needed that. That peaceful focus. 

When I wasn't a round, brown lump on a roof, my need to seize and conquer the moment lead me to various outdoor movies, exhibits, leisurely long walks and enough amazing company and laughs to add another smile line to my face. And of course, Summer wouldn't be complete without at least 1 nostalgic concert. I had the pleasure of seeing the amazingly brilliant Beck live and in charge. You don't need me to tell you that the concert blew my socks off. It was perfection. 

This Pimp right here

By the time day gave way to night, Beck was almost done with his set. He started performing a song I've never really paid attention to before. It was a slow, hypnotizing melody. It was then, with the sweat clinging to me and blue lights shinning on the crowd that I experienced my perfect summer moment. It just felt like a calm electric current. I threw my arms up and just enjoyed the sway of the crowd and the timbre of his voice. I was just so happy to be there, in that spot, at that very second. Not even the drunk girl bouncing behind me shouting "YOLO" could take the feeling away. You know the feeling. We've all had it. We all go through life chasing that feeling like a drug. Its the feeling of being perfectly content and happy in the moment you are in. Sometimes our minds are moving a little too fast to experience it. But, when you do... bangerang.

Warning!! Warning!! This tiny section of the blog was written by an irritated woman, during a heatwave, before her air conditioner was installed.

While internally, I'm thanking Summer for it's leisurely attitude, externally, I could honestly give this season the biggest stink eye on the planet. I hate being HOT! If it involves and umbrella, a beach, a breeze, the Mai-est of Tai, and a good book... I'm all for it. But, I'm not for the sun baking me like a cookie while I'm waiting to cross 34th street. I'm definitely not a fan of muggy and honestly, humidity can lock it up!  During the Summer months, I walk around the city looking like I just came from a fresh obstacle course. At least with cold weather, I can layer up. Not the same with hot weather. There's only so many layers of clothing you can remove before you become a disturber of the peace. Plus, going to jail for public nudity and/or cooling off in the Lincoln Center fountain just doesn't sound like fun. Have you seen "Orange Is The New Black"? Yeah... definitely staying away from crime. You'd think I'd be use to it by now, being a "Southern lady" and all. NOPE. Strolling around here during a heat wave is on another level. It's like the devil's hands are playing a childish game of "I'm not touching you! Not touching you!" with the Earth. Sheesh. 

I feel this girl's pain.... preach sista soldier.

And now it's time to say goodbye to longer days and shorter nights....

I'm sitting on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art listening to a man playing captivating tunes on his saxophone. Its just so... New York. And I adore it. The night is chilly. It kind of makes me wish I'd brought a cardigan with me but, oh well, I welcome the goosebumps. This is how it's going to be now. Sure, we'll have a few hot days but, they are dwindling. Summer's bowing out. The electricity in the air is turning into an idyllic meander that comes with Autumn. It's been a good season. So, what about you guys? Did you have a good Summer? I certainly hope that you did. I mean, we only get 1 Summer 2013. If you didn't seize it, you have a few weeks left to remedy that. :)

Until Next Time....

5 Songs In My Summer Closet....

1). Year 2010 - Lady Gaga - Alejandro

2). Year 2001- Eve Ft. Gwen Stefani - Let Me Blow Your Mind

3). Year 1997 - Spice Girls - Say You'll Be There

4) Year 1991 - Bryan Adams - Everything I Do (I Do It For You)   (Don't you dare judge me!)

5). Year 1985 - Phil Collins - Sussudio 

Love Always, 

    The girl who sometimes, misses the sounds of a country Summer night.

Spare Some Change?

Sheesh! I feel like I haven't posted in forever. Life has been moving sonic the hedgehog style the last couple of month. With changes popping up in every aspect of my life from weight loss to career to family, I've hardly had a moment to just sit down and post. But today, with nothing to do but kick back with a cold root beer as summer descends upon NYC, I wanted to just write a brief post about all the happenings.


Change #1: Career Moves

Like the city, I've had this anxious buzz flowing around me lately. Anxious to try something different. Anxious to move to the next step. So, after taking another accounting clerk job, I made the decision that it would be my last for a while. I wanted to pursue my dreams full time. It's amazing what happens when you close your eyes and just leap out on faith. I've been getting more auditions in the last few weeks than I've had in the last few years. With the pick up in my auditioning, there's also been a pick up in rejection. I've been knocked on my ass by rejection in this business so much that I swear I can feel bruises. But honestly, I have to say that I have never been more excited to hear a "NO" in my life. I just keep tallying them up because that yes... it's coming. If I have to  take another accounting job in the future, I will. You do what you HAVE to do so that you can do what you WANT to do. But for now, I'm gonna roll with this and wear my determination like a bold red lipstick. 

Change #2: Weight Loss

If anyone ever says to me "Losing weight isn't that hard", I'm going to bitch smack them in the ear. This weight loss journey... what can I say? It's equal parts exhilarating and frustrating. Not to mention that it feels like it's moving at the speed of a parked car. I actually went to a doctor because I felt that something was going on with my body that wouldn't let me loose. But, the simple answer was... It took a long time to get this way and its gonna take a while to get rid of it. So, not only am I exercising my body, I'm also exercising my patience. Doing this the right, healthy way is slow and steady but, I've heard that slow and steady wins the race so.... gotta keep on pushin'. One thing I have noticed is my need growing for all things healthy. Its no secret that I've slid back into old habits a time or two but, lately, I've been wanting healthier options. I want a bowl of fruit instead of a bag of chips. I want my morning workout. I see my addictions changing for the better. And it's true, tomorrow when I look in the mirror, I won't see a body that will cause Beyonce jealously but, hopefully, I will see a body that makes me proud. A work in progress. 

Change #3: Makia... I am your father

This time last year, I was writing a Father's Day blog dedicated to my dad, a person I hardly knew. Most of you know that my father was rarely apart of my life when I was younger. Even more so, when I was a teenager. Then one day, he just... disappeared. I haven't seen my father in 11 years. So, imagine my stunned surprise when I received a phone call a couple of weeks ago from none other than the man himself. This was probably the strangest day of my life. I'd pretty much accepted the fact that I would never speak with my father again and now, here he was. We talked for hours that night and about everything under the sun. I learned information about my family and also things about my dad that I never knew. I'm a lot like him. Since that night, I've talked to my father every day. Mostly, our conversations start with "So what happened in your life during (insert year here). He wants to be apart of my life. What shocks me the most about this is how easily we've connected. I plan on taking this slowly, one day at a time style but still, it's hard for me not to feel completely giddy and hopeful about him. I know most of you are wondering why I would share something so personal on this blog. The truth is sadly, I know a lot of people who also didn't have a solid relationship with their fathers as a child. I know most would understand. I don't know if that makes sense but, I just wanted to share this piece of honesty.

Change #4: ME

I took a picture of myself while typing this blog because I noticed that I just couldn't stop smiling like a fool. I've been in NYC for 2 years now (officially on June 16) and thinking about that just gave me this overwhelming sense of gratitude. I'm so thankful to be where I am right now in this moment. The last 2 years have been unbelievable. Without sounding like a classic movie slow clap speech, I have to state that I've grown so so so much in that time. I'm becoming an extension of the city with its dominance and allure and energy and independence and hope. I've met so many amazing people here and gotten closer to those I already knew. I know it's pretty ridiculous to write about my changes at the moment because as people, we are ever changing. It doesn't stop. In six month I'll probably write another blog about a completely new set of events. Right now, I'm making room for them. Room in my heart for all the love I have to give. Room in my mind for all the things I will learn. So, happy anniversary New York City. You've been just as good for me as I hope I've been for you. *Sigh* I really tried not to make this a slow clap moment. Really! I did. I'm just cheesy and since I'm 29, I'm pretty sure the cheese is here to stay.

Until Next time......

5 Songs With The Word "Change" In The Title

1). "Changes" by David Bowie

2). "Change Your Mind" by The Killers

3). "A Change Is Gonna Come" by Sam Cooke

4). "Change The World" by Eric Clapton

5).  "A Change Would Do You Good" by Sheryl Crow

Love Always, 

The girl who can't stop dancing to "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk

Welcome to Jurassic Park

20 years ago my mother took me to the the movies to see "Jurassic Park". I remember everything about that night. The excitement, the danger, the music... every aspect of that movie took me in. I could barely sit still! After the movie was over, I stood on my seat and applauded and begged my mom to let me sit through the credits. I just wasn't ready to let go. The next weekend, I had a date with my father. He took me to the movies to see (you guessed it)"Jurassic Park" under the false belief(I provided of course) that I hadn't seen it yet. The second time around, I watched the people around me. I  wanted to see if they would laugh at certain scenes or the look of fear in their eyes when the cup of water vibrated from the T-Rex's oh so anticipated approach. Right then, I knew. I knew that I wanted to be apart of this world. I wanted to be a character in some amazing story that snagged the hearts and minds of an audience and caused a little girl to stand in her chair and applaud. I wanted to bring something that started on a page to life. Thus, the beginning of my urge to become an Actress. 

Oh Goldblum. Usain Bolt would have gotten away.

Cut to 20 years later.... That same girl is listening to the "Jurrasic Park" score on her Ipod as her train crosses the bridge from Brooklyn into Manhattan. I'm on my way to an interview with VOICETheatre. VOICETheatre is an amazing program that gives recognition to new artists and a stage for new works. It also allows for professional, working directors and casting directors to hold workshops for Actors as well as showcasing them to agents and other industry professionals. They look for trained Actors to showcase and get their names out into NYC. Hundreds apply and 16 are chosen.

There are several reasons that I wanted to move to NYC. I wanted to find out more about myself. I wanted to live in this amazing place where anything could happen. Most of all, I wanted to further my acting career. Of course, this was easier said than done. I live in a place where actors take over half of the population. Everyone here has a dream and a song to sing. Getting people to notice you out of a million is a pretty hard deed. But, even knowing this, I still came here to pursue my dream.
Like a bright eyed ingenue in an 80's flashback, I stepped off the bus ready to take the world by storm.

Its been an interesting year and a half. I've had some bad auditions and a couple of good ones. I've had moments where I've doubted my path and others where my path looks bathed in gold. I'm pretty sure there are hundreds of glossy headshots with my smiling face littering the local trash dump. I'm also pretty sure I've been told critiques by casting directors that would make you think the word "Actor" was just another way to say "emotional masochist".

  I'm sorry, did you just call me "Fatty Cakes" in the middle of my audition? Ummmmmmm............

 And don't even get me started on when you actually get an audition. It's like Pavlov's Dogs. You start salivating at the mouth with dreams dancing in your brain of you running through a field with a script in one hand, sides in the other while you're being chased by Ben Affleck and Catherine Bigelow. Their shouts of "I have the perfect role for you" echoing in your ears as you run towards a beautiful sunset that looks remarkably like a TONY hugging an Oscar.

Even with all the struggles and little wiggles thrown into my straight line, there is something that still tells me to keep going. Is it fate? Is it my own stubbornness? Honestly, its probably a little bit of both. All I know is that Jurassic Park loving girl isn't ready to sing a swan song. In fact, it seems I've been trying harder. Sending out more and more headshots. Submitting myself until my computer sighs and blows out hot air. I've prayed and wished for opportunities to present themselves. Which brings to me to my interview with VOICETheatre. I went in with the intention of doing the very best I could, no expectations... no Pavlov's Dog response. When I walked out, I felt so amazing. The kind of amazing that can only be found when you feel like you've conquered something. I was proud of myself. Of course I wanted to be chosen but, even if I wasn't, I still nailed it. I haven't felt that since I moved here.

2 days later, I received a call inviting me to be one of the 16 Actors for their showcase. I have no idea what this will lead to. I don't know if this will be the start of something big or if it will be a step towards supporting myself as a working actor. Hell, it may not lead to much at all. But, who cares! It's an accomplishment. And if I could give advice to anyone about living, it would be to celebrate your wins.. small, medium, or Burj Khalifa. CELEBRATE IT! Besides, you never know what could happen. In such a big city, I'm just grateful for the smallest of chances.

I have no idea why I wanted to write this into a blog. The other day a friend called me and asked how things were going and I was just so excited to have news and wonderful things to tell her. I was even more excited to hear about her amazing news. I don't know. I think 2013 is going to be the year of pursuit. Pursuit of your dreams and pursuit of the things that YOU want. There are so many people I know on the cliff's edge, ready to jump into the abyss of goals that they truly want to meet. I can't wait to hear all about it! Happy New Year all! Maybe 2013 slap you with a happy stick, light a candle in the darkness and bring more fulfillment than you even thought possible.

Until Next Time.....

Love Always, 
   The girl who can't believe "Jurassic Park" is 20 years old! And "Hocus Pocus".... and "Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit"! 

Shit Actors Say